Pressure - By Jeff Strand Page 0,36
easy to throw, so the only trick is to not lose your concentration. Running chain saws, no.”
“No way!” said Darren, amazed. “You can really juggle flaming torches? You’re not just messing with me?”
“I have some back at my dorm. I mean, ignitable torches, not torches that are on fire right now.”
“You hope.”
“Yeah.”
“So what other hidden talents do you have?” Darren asked. “I bet you know a bunch of magic tricks, right?”
I nodded, increasing the height of my throws. “A couple.”
“Do you know how to saw a woman in half?”
“Sure.”
“How?”
“It’s a very sophisticated animatronic woman that separates in the middle. You have to buy them direct from Disney.”
“No, seriously.”
“It’s a secret.”
“So, magic tricks, juggling…are you an escape artist, too?”
“Nope, but I can make balloon animals.”
“Cool. So are you paying your way through school by doing children’s parties?”
“Nah. It’s just for fun.”
“You have all these marketable skills and you’re not doing anything with them? You know what the problem is; it’s that you’re such an introvert. You always were. Dude, if I could juggle flaming torches I’d be marching past every sorority on campus, letting the women flock to me.”
I caught the three beanbags and shoved them back into my pocket. “Obviously you live in some bizarre alternate universe where women go for guys who can juggle. Being able to do magic tricks is actually a very effective form of female repellent.”
“I dunno, it shows that you’re good with your hands.”
I chuckled. “I just do it for fun. But if you’re ever in desperate need of a balloon animal, I’m the guy to call.”
“Can you make balloon roadkill?”
“Not without popping it.”
We reached his car, which was only slightly less crappy than my own, and drove to a small burger joint called Patties. Our conversation was lighthearted and effortless, and I realized that I was surprisingly comfortable around the guy who’d been responsible for one of the most miserable times in my life.
Maybe he was right. He’d been twelve. Perhaps it was time to get over it.
We sat down at a corner booth and the attractive waitress, who looked to be in her early twenties, was giggly and flirty as she took our orders. Of course, all of the flirting was directed at Darren. She winked at him as she left to get our drinks.
Darren leaned forward and put a shielding hand next to his mouth, speaking confidentially. “I do believe that our waitress has a rather intense desire to fuck me.”
I barely stifled a laugh. “I think you may be right.”
“Well, I’ve got a girlfriend back home, and I figure I should be loyal to her for at least a couple of weeks. Our waitress will have to deal. My girlfriend’s a waitress, too, actually.”
“So waitresses have a thing for you?”
“Waitresses, cashiers, beauticians, accountants, policewomen, political leaders, you name it. It’s tough being such a Grade-A stud muffin.” Darren shook his head and sighed in mock misery. “So, what about you? Are the women in your hometown going to be doing a lot more masturbating now that you’re gone?”
“Oh, definitely,” I said. “I’m sure sales of baseball bats have tripled.”
Darren grinned. “Seriously, did you have to leave a girlfriend behind?”
“Nah. I didn’t date all that much.”
“Not all that much, or not at all?”
“Not all that much. There was one girl, Vickie, where we sort of wavered between just friends and more than friends, but nothing really happened.”
The waitress returned with our Cokes. Though I couldn’t be positive, I was pretty sure that she’d undone an extra button on her blouse. “Can I get you anything else?” she asked, looking straight at Darren.
“I think we’re okay for now.”
“Well, if you need anything, just wave at me. My name’s Stephanie.” She left the table, but it looked like she had to pry herself away.
“Oh, yeah,” said Darren. “She wants me.”
“Do you need me to clear a spot on the table?” I asked. “I can find someplace else to sit.”
Darren threw a glance over at Stephanie, who was taking another customer’s order. “I’ve gotta say, if I were the kind of person who would cheat on his girlfriend this soon, she would be near the top of my list. Did you notice the extra button?”
“I thought I was imagining it.”
“So, you don’t have a girlfriend, huh?”
“Nope.”
“Well, like I said, I’m taken. But I’ll bet I could get you together with Ms. Stephanie.”
I gasped in pretend excitement. “Really? Do it! Do it! Oh, please do it! I’ll be your best friend!”
“I’m serious.”
“No, you’re not.”
Darren nodded. “You