bathtub along with the kids, but I kept myself steady, I wanted to be sure we didn’t blow the case. Only she didn’t even get life, she had some do-good defense lawyer talking about her circumstances, her history of abuse. Be out when she’s sixty. Sometimes in the middle of the night I promise myself if I’m still around then I’ll find her, put three in her. One for each kid. Dare ’em to arrest me in my wheelchair. You want to do some good, go nuts. Just not the BPD.”
She drove home alone, left Ned at Drakes. I don’t want your dad to see me like this. Someone’ll drop me off, get the car tomorrow.
The next morning she dragged herself to the library to read about applying to the FBI. She had one advantage, she was good at languages. She was nearly fluent in Spanish and had some Russian too. But she could see that law school was a sure ticket in. Ned was right, the bureau liked lawyers.
Junior year at Wesleyan she worked as hard as she’d ever had, straight As across the board. She spent every spare hour practicing on the LSAT. The logic puzzles didn’t agree with her, but eventually she cracked them. She wound up at the University of Virginia, one of the best.
Columbia had let her in too, but UVA was offering a partial scholarship, which she wanted. She knew she’d have to take out loans. Her parents wouldn’t be paying, and Jerome didn’t like lawyers. Even with the scholarship and working summers, she would graduate law school fifty thousand in the hole.
* * *
She told Brian about the FBI the day after Eve left. Her parents were the only other people she’d told at that point. They hadn’t exactly been positive. You know it’s a paramilitary organization, right? her dad had said. I have a hard time seeing you there. Her mom made the inevitable Silence of the Lambs joke, the movie had come out a couple of years before. Like Clarice Starling, only your shoes aren’t cheap.
She didn’t even try to tell anyone at law school. Her classmates were mainly worried about which firms paid the most. You hear Cravath just went to eighty-six K for first years? The few who did want to be in public service came at it from the left, environmental defense or death penalty appeals. Rebecca couldn’t forget the way Ned had spat do-good defense lawyer like a curse. She kept her plans to herself.
But she figured Brian would understand.
“Sure it’s what you want?” he said when she finished.
She nodded.
“Then it’s good enough for me. How’s it work? You go straight after you graduate?”
Not exactly. She explained her plan. She would work for a big firm for two or three years, pay down her law school debt so it wasn’t hanging over her head when she became an agent. Getting into the bureau was a tough, multistage process. Long multiple-choice exams, interviews, a fitness exam, and a background check. If they took her, she’d train at Quantico for several months. Then they could send her anywhere in the country for her first post.
“You’re okay carrying a gun?”
The idea of wearing a weapon made her nervous. Ned had promised her she’d get used to it. It’s a tool. Probably you’ll never need it. But if you do you’ll be glad to have it.
“I better be.”
He ran a hand down her back, let it rest on her hip. They were in bed together; no surprise, they were always in bed together. “Becks?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t mean to jump ahead, but what’s it mean for kids? Do you even want them?”
Oh. The question thrilled and frightened her at once. “I want kids, yes.”
“But you’re going to have to wait a while.”
Could she tell him? Were they ready to be this grown-up?
“In a perfect world I think I’d have them before the bureau. Being a pregnant FBI agent, it seems weird.”
Also, big law firms tended to have good maternity leave policies. The unspoken quid pro quo was that female associates who wanted a chance at partner would make up the hours, work twice as hard later. But Rebecca had no interest in making partner. She could use the system to her advantage, take the paid leave twice and then get out. A cynical move, she had to admit. But ultimately it would help at the bureau.
He was quiet. She wondered if the talk of kids had scared him off.