The Postilion (The Masqueraders #2) - S.M. LaViolette Page 0,106
do, deeply and irrevocably.”
“When did you know that? Because I feel like a bloody ninny; I’ve scarcely spent any time with Benna since discovering that she was a woman. How can a person fall in love so fast? Wouldn’t that indicate this is infatuation?”
“But you liked, respected, and admired the person you knew before you found out her gender?”
“Very much so, but—”
“How would you feel tomorrow morning if you woke up and discovered that she was gone? Forever.”
Jago opened his mouth, but the sorrow, hopelessness, and desolation he experienced at the thought of her disappearing from his life choked him.
She nodded. “You don’t have to speak; I can see it on your face. Sexual attraction is delightful, Jago.” Her cheeks pinkened. “But love is everything. When I believed Stephen was out of my life forever, I knew that I would go on living—for the child I was carrying, as well as for myself—but I also knew that I would miss him every single day of my life. I would miss the things I already knew about him and I would miss all the things I hadn’t had a chance to discover.”
Jago closed his eyes; she had described the way he was feeling perfectly.
“Is it really so bad—to be in love with a woman who is not of our station?” she asked him.
He opened his eyes and sighed. “If it were just me that I had to worry about then the difficulties this situation presented would be manageable. But, Lord, Elinor, you know the earldom is all to pieces. I need money. A great deal of it and quickly. And there is only one way for a man such as me to acquire it.”
“Please tell me you are not considering Mrs. Valera?”
Jago smiled faintly at Elinor’s uncharacteristically arch tone. “I take it you don’t care for her?”
“I cannot like her for you, Jago.”
He sighed. “I’m not marrying Mrs. Valera.” Elinor didn’t need to know that Ria had already offered him such a solution and he’d rejected her.
“I’m relieved to hear it,” she said. “You might think that paying your debts and fixing Lenshurst Park are worth it, but no amount of money is worth being shackled to somebody you don’t love, and who doesn’t love you. Find some other way, Jago.”
“I could not bring myself to marry for money eighteen years ago and—it seems—I cannot make myself do it today—even though the need is far greater.” His face heated under her serious gaze. “It appears I am a romantic fool. When and if I marry, it will be for love.”
The smile she gave him was dazzling.
Jago laughed. “I can see you will do nothing to check my headlong run to disaster.”
“Would marrying for love really be so disastrous?”
“Lord, Elinor—how in the world can I ever marry somebody who is not only my servant, but whom everyone believes to be a man? Even if I were still just Doctor Venable the matter would present difficulties.”
“But does it follow that those difficulties must be insurmountable?”
“No.” He sighed. “But I’ll be damned if I can think of a way around this. Er, begging your pardon.”
“Anything can be contrived, Jago, if you put your mind to it. Have you talked to her?”
“No,” he said, absently, rubbing a hand over his jaw. He snorted. “I am acting as if all the reservations are on my side,” he said, giving her a wry smile. “As if she will be thrilled to shackle herself to an impoverished man old enough to be her father. Perhaps I will declare myself and she will tell me to go to the devil.” Just thinking about such an eventuality made his stomach churn.
“Somehow I doubt that, my friend.”
Jago wasn’t quite so sure, especially given his idiotic behavior these past few days. It shamed him that he had done the exact opposite of what he’d promised her: to deal honestly with her. Instead, he’d gone out of his way to avoid her.
Suddenly, Jago burned to get back to Lenshurst Park and talk to her. Good God! What if she decided to leave him for being such an idiot? He needed to apologize—to try and explain—to—
He got to his feet so quickly his chair almost tipped. “I’m sorry, but I should—”
“Go,” she said, chuckling.
“Don’t get up, Elinor,” he said, taking her hands and pressing them gently. “Thank you so much not only for listening, but also for your excellent advice.”