“Yes. Who’s been with you every step of the way as you learned to love again? Who showed you it’s okay to love again?”
I hang my head, a heaviness in my chest at the idea. “I promised myself I’d never lower my walls for anyone again.”
“You didn’t have to. Because Wes was more than willing to scale those damn walls to possess your heart. And deep down, you know he possesses your heart. You know you love him.”
I dart my eyes to hers, my chin trembling.
She wraps her arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “And I’m certain he loves you. It’s why he goes out of his way to put a smile on your face every day. Why he didn’t give up on you even when you’d given up on yourself.” She pulls back, meeting my eyes. “So you need to ask yourself, Londyn. Are you going to stop letting your past haunt you? Or are you always going to use that as an excuse for not taking a risk?”
I chew on my lower lip, torn. “It’s not that easy.”
Hazel’s brows furrow in contemplation, her mouth formed into a tight line. “Do you remember what you told me when you showed up to the first self-defense class? Your reason for attending?”
I slowly nod. “That I wanted to take back control of the parts of my life he took from me.”
“Exactly.” She beams. “And you’ve done that. You’ve taken back control of your professional life. And your sex life…to a certain extent. There’s only one part of your life left. One part you’ve avoided, which is understandable after everything you went through. After I lost the boys, I couldn’t even walk into a children’s clothing store or pass the toy section in Target without breaking down. It was debilitating. I barely left the house, worried I’d see a child and lose it. I thought I’d never be normal again.
“But now, I’m able to do all those things I couldn’t. Because I didn’t avoid my fears. I knew I’d never be able to heal if I kept avoiding everything that triggered the memories of what I lost. What did I always say in class?”
“Healing happens when you’re triggered but have the strength to walk through the pain and toward a different path.”
“Isn’t that what you want? A new path where he’s nothing more than a speck of dust?”
I look forward, blinking once, twice, my stomach churning at the thought of putting myself out there. Then I expel a long breath and pull myself up from the couch, grabbing my purse and keys off the coffee table.
“Where are you going?”
I shrug. “To take a leap of faith.”
Her expression brightens, a wide smile tugging on her lips. “That’s my girl.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Londyn
My heart pounds with the intensity of a thousand drummers when I turn onto Wes’ circular drive and park behind his Range Rover. I stare at the stone exterior of the house, faint light coming from a few windows on the second floor, everything picturesque, right down to the autumn wreath I’d made for him out of recycled items a few weeks ago.
Can I really do this? Can I take that final step, one I’ve avoided for years in order to protect myself from making the same mistake of trusting the wrong person?
But Hazel’s right.
Wes didn’t care I’d erected walls around myself. He happily scaled them, one frustrating and aggravating brick at a time. And with each brick, he possessed another piece of my heart. Now it’s time to let him all the way in. To take that last step and rise above my past. Above my fear. Above everything that’s held me back, causing me to repeat the same cycle year after year. It’s time I finally take back control. And it starts with Wes.
Expelling a long breath, I shakily step onto the textured pavers, a force bigger than myself taking over, propelling me up the walkway and toward Wes’ front door before I lose my nerve.
I bring my hand up to the door, my heart pounding in rhythm with my heavy rapping that echoes in the still night air. I listen for any movement from within, but don’t immediately hear anything, apart from a few cars driving down a nearby street and a dog barking.
Then the door swings wide and Wes appears in front of me. I tear my eyes to his, words caught in my throat as I