Posh Frocks & Peacocks - Tracie Podger Page 0,23

He strolled over and rested against her legs. Except, he weighed a few hundred pounds and my mother was sitting on an unstable chair on hessian matting. She and the chair went over, startling poor Piggy who shit in fright.

For the second time that day one of my pets had shit on my mother’s posh frock.

I was incapable of helping her that time. She screamed at the animal, which angered Charlie, who grabbed poor Piggy by the ear and towed him away. Colleen sauntered around the marquee relieving people of their sausage rolls, and Gerald stood like a pint-sized bull, all puffed up and aggressively challenging anyone who wanted to tackle him and his pool noodle covered horns. The peacock just upped his tail feathers as if flipping us all the bird and went off to find his partner.

My mother rushed past, still wailing, with my father in tow. By the time they got to the castle, the police had arrived.

“Who called the police?” I asked.

“Fuck knows. Wait here, let me sort it,” Ronan said. He strode off with Charlie, who still had hold of Piggy’s ear, to placate the police.

“Well… Well, what a party,” Joe said.

“I know, honestly, it was like watching a movie!”

Joe put his arm around my shoulders. “This is most certainly one for the history books.”

Danny came over, and also placed his arm around my shoulders from the other side. “I think we’ll dine out on this for years to come.”

I looked around the marquee to see a couple of men getting up from the floor and one woman dabbing the front of her dress, trying to soak up the drink that had been spilled over her. Some people were still laughing; some re-enacting Charlie’s boxer stance, and other’s were preparing to leave. I guessed the reception, for them, was over.

The police called Gregg and Rich to one side and it wasn’t long before Ronan returned and the police had ordered both Gregg and Rich from the property. No charges were going to be brought, thankfully, but I was still curious to know who had called the police. That was until Ronan received a text message.

I’m sorry. I told Gregg about your wedding, and he told Rich to wind him up in the hopes he’d spoil it. I wish you and Lizzie well, Ronan, and I’m sorry if I caused any trouble. I called the police when I heard shouting. I hope I didn’t do wrong. Carol.

“Carol?” I asked as he finished reading the text. He turned the phone so I could read for myself.

“What a bitch,” he said.

“No, I don’t think so. Look, she wishes us well and I don’t think for one minute she thought there would be a fight.”

“Yet she was close enough to hear a commotion and call the police, Lizzie. That means she’s here. She probably came with them!”

“What a bitch!” I replied.

We both stomped from the marquee to see if we could find her. Colleen trotted beside and I placed my hand on her neck. If Carol had been outside, she was long gone by that point. What we did see, however, was my dad loading suitcases into the boot of Joe’s car. Joe and Danny were standing beside the car and Joe shrugged his shoulders when he saw me.

“Your mother wants to find a local hotel, she’s adamant,” Dad said, apologetically.

“Why? Just because an animal shit on her dress?” I asked, surprised by that turn of events. I expected my mother to be upset but not punish us by leaving.

Dad just sighed. Mother left the house and marched over. “Don’t try to stop me, Elizabeth. I don’t think I feel safe staying here. I’m in fear of my life. My life, Lizzie!” Before anyone could respond, she climbed into the rear seat of the car and slammed the door.

“Oh well,” I said, smiling at Ronan.

“I’m so sorry, Ronan, Lizzie,” Dad said, and he genuinely meant it.

“Take her to the pub, they have rooms, I’ll call ahead,” Ronan said, as he stepped away and raised his phone to his ear.

I gave my dad a tight hug and he kissed my cheeks. “Best wedding I’ve been to in years,” he whispered before joining his wife.

The car manoeuvred down the drive and Mum didn’t look back once.

“Are you okay?” Ronan asked.

“Sure. It’s her choice. I think I probably forgot the reasons why we get on well when we’re not in the same country.” I meant what I said, although it was said