Posh Frocks & Peacocks - Tracie Podger Page 0,19

it had done the naughty to the goat. His devil eyes softened and if a goat could smile, he did. He raised his head proudly and trotted off, quite comfortable at having the bird on his back. If she could, I was sure Colleen was laughing as she hid in the woods.

Joe, in his wisdom, ran forwards and tipped his large glass of white wine over the posh frock. Some hit the shit, most didn’t. Mother screamed again.

“Do something,” I hissed out as I arrived beside Ronan.

He looked at me with tears streaming down his cheeks. “What? What the fuck can I do?” he said although the words were only just audible, such was his laughter.

“Come on, Mum, let’s get you cleaned up,” I said, reaching out to take her arm.

“You want to shoot those animals! Look what it did to my frock. And deliberate that was, wasn’t it?” She looked around to see if anyone would concur. My father, still with his mouth covered, nodded his head in an obligatory manner. Mum huffed and followed me to the kitchen.

Maggie bustled ahead, and as soon as we entered, she had a bowl of hot water and a sponge to hand. Without trying to touch my mother’s privates Maggie gently dabbed.

“Oh, give it here,” Mum said, and snatched the sponge from Maggie’s hand. She angrily scrubbed at the stain, smearing it further.

“Why don’t you put on that nice afternoon frock you bought?” I asked. Mum, not wishing to outdo the bride, as she’d said, had three outfits for the day and evening.

“I think I’ll have to. Can I sue the peacock for the cleaning bill?” she asked. Had it not been my mother I would have laughed, but there was half a chance she was serious.

“Since it’s on loan at the moment, I doubt it.”

Although not privy to my parents’ finances—they were very closed about that kind of thing—I knew they weren’t poor. She could more than afford the cleaning bill, not that I would let her pay for it anyway. I’d take it into town the following day.

“Well, it wouldn’t be the done thing at this place not to have some form of drama, now, would it?” Maggie said, picking up the sponge from where Mum had dropped it.

I started to giggle. “Whose idea were the peacocks?”

Maggie bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders before a squeak managed to escape. “Oh dear, now what do we do?”

“We go and have afternoon tea,” I said, brightly. Being shat on by a peacock wasn’t the end of the world and in all fairness, probably was a rare event, one Mother could possibly dine out on.

“I meant, what do we do about the animals? They’re clearly out and about,” Maggie clarified.

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Come on, it’s my wedding day.” I took her arm and as we left the kitchen we bumped into Dad.

“Is your mother in there?” he asked, as if there was any other place she could have been.

“She’s changing into her afternoon tea dress, I believe,” Maggie answered with a smile.

“Ah, okay. I think I’ll let her be then. Terribly bad luck to be…well, you know,” he said, and there was no hiding the building laugh just waiting to burst out.

“I think it’s meant to be good luck,” I said.

“Yes, it probably is…to anyone other than your mother. Come on, darling, let’s go and get drunk,” he said.

The three of us laughed as we rounded the house and headed back to the terrace. I wondered if I should have accompanied my mum to her room and helped her change. I was sure she’d tell me to get back downstairs to the festivities. I hoped she would have, anyway.

“Is everything okay?” Ronan asked, placing his arm around my waist.

“She’s getting changed and suing the peacock for her cleaning bill,” I replied, smiling up at him.

“You know, it just wouldn’t have been right without that lot causing chaos,” he said, looking out to the woods in the hopes of catching a glimpse of at least one of the delinquent pets.

“Maggie said the same,” I replied with a laugh. “Now, I have an urge to look under your kilt but I think I shall show some restraint. Also, I’m hungry.”

Afternoon tea was being laid out on the tables and Joe was encouraging our friends and family to take their seats. In the meantime, a van arrived and Ronan gave a wave to a group of guys who started to unload musical