me. I had never been shushed by anyone but Karl. Was he shushing me because he knew what I was going to say, or was he really just that into his song?
I wasn't sure, but I shushed. When he finished the song, the bell rang.
"I'll be here tomorrow," he said. It was his usual line, but I thought I picked up something else in it this time. Like he knew he'd see me tomorrow and was looking forward to it.
"Actually," I said, "I thought maybe we could study together after school. You know, with finals next week and all."
This was off-script. I had a feeling it might be a little aggressive for Claudia's taste, but I couldn't help it. If Nate and I were going to be together, I wanted more of him. I wanted to get to that easy place I'd had with ... well, with Archer. Except it would be better with Nate, because Nate was attracted to me. He and I would have something deeper than Archer and I ever could.
"Sure," Nate said. "You know the place. Come by after school."
I was a little worried when I called Claudia on the way to Nate's place. She wasn't one to hold back when she disapproved. She surprised me, though: she didn't seem bothered by the plan.
"It's so beautiful," she said, sniffing back fake tears. "Baby's First Booty Call."
"Shut up! I'm going there to study!"
I was not going there to study. I had all my studying props: texts, notebooks, a six-pack of Diet Coke, and my iPod with the noise-canceling headphones. With a stash like that, I could spend a whole night studying.
But I wouldn't.
I pictured Nate and me in his room, all our books and papers spread out in front of us. Nate would sneak looks at me while we pored over the books. I'd feel his eyes on me and smile up at him with a coy "What?"
Then he'd pounce. And though there was something cinematic about us rolling around on all our books and notes, I did still need them to study, so maybe we'd push them out of the way first. We wouldn't go crazy far. We'd just make out until at some point we'd get tired or need a break to breathe. Then I'd lie in Nate's arms, he'd play with my hair ... and he'd start talking.
He'd open up about what he was really feeling: his anger, his hurt, his fear—he had to be terrified all the time. What if his dad left for good? What if his mom never woke up? What if she did but she wasn't the same? What if she didn't recognize him or Thackery—and what if his dad left for good then?
By the time I pulled up to the mansion, I was practically in tears; I was so full with Nate's pain. I almost expected him to read it on my face and dive into my arms, crying tears of relief and joy because someone finally understood.
Instead he opened the door and blew a cloud of smoke in my face.
"Sorry. I was gonna wait for you, but you know..." As his voice trailed off, he gestured to my overstuffed messenger bag. "What's that?"
I was still blinking my way out of the smoky haze. "Books, soda, music: study stuff."
"Right. Study stuff. Let's leave that right here." He eased the bag off my shoulder, then leaned his body against mine and kissed me, long and deep. I didn't like the taste of the smoke clinging to his mouth, and I almost pulled away, but then I felt a bulge in his jeans pressing into my hips.
Whoa.
It actually took me a second to realize what it was. I mean, I knew that's what happens when guys get excited, but only in an intellectual way, not an is-that-a-Maglite-in-your-pocket-or-are-you-just-glad-to-see-me way.
The bulge was flattering, right? It meant he really liked me. I just worried that it was poking me with an expectation I wouldn't be able to fulfill.
Then Nate kissed my neck ... and my ear ... and then came back to my lips, and I stopped worrying. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body into his and knew I'd be blissfully happy if we never moved from this spot and just stood here making out, not two inches from the front door.
Nate pulled his lips from mine and stared into my eyes. "I want to introduce you to someone," he said.