but gape at her for several seconds. She was unmoved. Was she really going to make me spell this out again?
"Here were Archer's choices," I said. "A: endure a single kiss from a reasonably attractive girl, or B: risk severe head trauma to both himself and said houseguest, who could conceivably then sue his family for everything they have. Guess which one he chose?"
"That means nothing. We've established that he's probably gay, remember? If a gay man doesn't want to kiss you, it only means you're not masculine enough for him. To me, that's a compliment."
It was an argument she had used before, and it wasn't entirely wrong—i/Archer was gay. Which I doubted.
"Even if he's not gay," Claudia continued, "even if he's just ridiculous and stupid and not interested, there is no denying that by being his close friend, you officially earned a spot on the Popularity Tower. Am I right?"
Of course she was right. I'd noticed it myself when I started hanging out with Archer's friends. Even though I couldn't act to save my life, for a while I'd been an honorary member of the Theater Geek Cubby Crew.
But that was before. Now I didn't see them at all. I reminded Claudia of that little factoid.
"Doesn't matter," she said. "It's been, what, a few weeks? That's a blip. Nonexistent. You'll pick up right where you left off the minute you restart your friendship with Archer."
Restart my friendship with Archer?
I wished I'd been middrink so I could give her comment the spit-take it deserved.
"No way," I said. "Can't do it. If I do, he'll think I want him again, and he'll get that sad look on his face because he'll feel like he has to let me down gently and I swear, Claudia, I would rather drink hot glue."
"So the drama!" Claudia raised the back of one hand to her forehead, then grinned and leaned down to me. "He won't think you want him, because of the beauty of the Ladder! The minute you hook back up with Archer, you ask for his help getting you someone on the next tier of the Popularity Tower: a DangerZone. Instant fix: immediately Archer knows for a fact you're no longer interested."
"But I am still interested," I said.
"Of course you are. But what's the best way to get you not interested? A distraction. Actively working to get someone new, exciting, and incredible—not to mention someone who's actually into you. Now think about it: Are there any DangerZones you like? Any Archer could help you get?"
I thought about it. I thought about everyone in Archer's circle. They were all Theater Geek Cubby Crew. There were lots of other people who knew and liked Archer from a distance, I supposed. There was everyone who'd watched him perform that poem the first day of school, all the people who'd raved about him in Cyrano, and everyone who'd gone crazy over the jazz band concert...
The jazz band concert. There was a guitarist in the jazz band. Nate Wetherill. I remembered seeing him my very first day, stalking down the halls with his guitar case on his back, wafting DangerZone hotness with every step. I'd seen him a few times after that. He and Archer always said hi in the halls. Or Archer said hi. Nate always gave a moody upward nod, which was still a million times more attention than he gave most people in the school. Even then, when I thought Archer and I were basically together, Nate made me stop and stare. But it was the way a hot celebrity would make me stop and stare. It was fantasy. Nate was way out of my league. He wasn't even an option. I had to laugh.
Claudia pounced. "You thought of someone! Who?"
"Nate Wetherill," I admitted. "And he's Archer's friend ... ish."
"That's perfect!"
"It's ridiculous. Nate would never be interested in someone like me."
"You're forgetting the rules of the Ladder. There is no 'someone like' you. You find out the kind of girl Nate wants, you become that girl, then you burst out of your Chrysella chrysalis transformed and blow him away! You'll get together, you'll move to his tier on the Popularity Tower, and most important, you'll be so completely distracted that you'll finally get over Archer."
Getting over Archer sounded great—exactly what I needed to make Chrysella bearable again. Getting over Archer by hanging out with him and getting his help with the Ladder? That sounded like the craziest kind of reverse psychology ever, which is what