"Nice. Way to make him sound completely undesirable."
"Other options: gay or not into you."
"Okay, forty-year-old virgin. But it's not like I've ever had a boyfriend, and I'm not too shy to do something!"
"Then do it," Claudia said. She folded her arms like the conversation was over.
"Do ... what?" I asked. "Make the first move? The thing you told me not to do because it would scare him away?"
"I was wrong," Claudia said.
"How do you know? What happened to patience? What happened to 'even if it takes him a while'?"
"A while, yes. This is an epoch! New species have mutated into existence since you and Archer first started flirting!"
"It's only been six weeks!"
"Cara, you stopped the Ladder for this guy!"
"Oh! So this is about the Ladder!"
"This is about you," Claudia said. "If Archer really likes you, I don't care about the Ladder. But if he doesn't, you're wasting an amazing opportunity and you're torturing yourself waiting for something that won't happen!"
I was all energized to respond. I really was. Except she was right. I honestly didn't think Archer was gay. If he was, he was very closeted, and he didn't need to be—not in his Cubby Crew. Doug wasn't. But it was possible. And it was a lot better than thinking that even though to me we seemed like the perfect couple, he really didn't think of me that way. The very idea made my stomach hurt. Then again, maybe Archer wanted me to make the first move. Maybe he really was just crazy shy and needed a little encouragement. Maybe the second I leaned over and kissed him, he'd throw himself on me, kissing me, holding me close, inching his hand slowly underneath my shirt...
I was starting to sweat.
"So..." I asked Claudia, "did your Ladder research tell you anything about how to make the first move?"
I hate horror movies. Really, truly hate them. Would never in a million years go out of my way to see one. I even know that Archer hates horror movies, too.
This did not for one second stop me from adding Saw to my parents' Netflix queue. It came two days later, and I told Archer I really wanted to watch it. Friday night. At his house.
The timing was very specific. Saturday would be huge at Chrysella Prep. During the day was the Homecoming football game. This meant less than nothing to me, except for the fact that in the name of school spirit, Archer didn't have play rehearsal Friday night. In theory, this was so cast members could attend pep rallies, but neither Archer nor I were pep rally types.
Saturday night was the school's Halloween dance. Aside from the casting of Cyrano, this was the biggest event on the fall schedule for Archer and his friends. They started planning their costumes over the summer and coordinated to make a massive group statement. I'd seen pictures of the eight of them freshman year as the Muppets and sophomore year as the Eight Wonders of the Ancient World. Technically, there are seven wonders of the ancient world, but everyone agreed that Wonder Woman qualified as the eighth.
This year they were going as Greek gods and goddesses. They'd invited me to join them, but I had no confidence that I could pull off a costume as ornate as theirs, even after Sue promised to help me with the sewing. Besides, I had a kitty cat costume from last year that made me look very cute, so I figured I'd wear that.
My grand plan was for Archer and me to seal the deal and become a couple on Friday, making Saturday's Halloween dance our first official date. And who doesn't want to spend her first date all dressed up and dancing the night away with her brand-new boyfriend?
On Monday I told him my cinematic plans.
"Really?" Archer grimaced. "Saw? I thought you weren't into horror movies."
"People say if you're going to watch one, this is the one to watch," I said. I walked away enigmatically to avoid any questions I couldn't answer. At least, I tried for enigmatically, but I tripped over the outstretched feet of a Wasteoid and went sprawling. So much for mystique.
For once I was glad Archer was so busy with rehearsals. It was hard even to be around him that week. My head was too swimmy with what I knew I was planning and all the wonderful and horrific ways it could turn out. It played a constant fantasy loop