Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,89
When she turns back to face me, I’m not sure who seems more nervous. Her or me.
“Ellie called me daddy.” The words catch in my throat, emotion bubbling in my chest. “You told her I’m her father.”
“I did.” She nods slowly.
“Why?”
“Because she deserves to know. You are her father.”
“I never thought I’d hear her call me daddy. I just… it’s got me a little choked up.”
“You love her.” It’s not a question, she already knows I do.
“More than anything.”
“Which is why I told her. I want you in her life, Jace, even if you’re not in mine.”
Her words slam into me like a thousand-pound weight.
“Oak…” I run a hand through my hair. “I’m so sorry about the other day. I was….”
“No,” she cuts me off, “I’m sorry. I had no right to come at you the way I did.” Her chin quivers as she speaks.
“You had every right, Oak. Every right. After everything I put you through, for me to disappear for an entire night…what did I expect you to think? Hell, I would have thought the same thing.”
“You were trying to do something nice for me, and I repaid you with accusations and assumptions.”
“But they were fair.”
“Then why did it take you nearly a week to come back?” I can see the emotion she’s trying to hold in. Read the hurt that’s written all over her face.
“Because I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” I admit. “The way I acted. How I stormed out. After everything you’ve done for me, you didn’t deserve that. You’ve given me so much. A life. You’ve given me my life back, Oak. I love you. And I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to.”
“You know, I’ve spent the last few days thinking about our past. Thinking about everything we’ve been through. We’ve had some amazing moments. We’ve had some really bad ones too.” I grimace, knowing I’m the one who caused them. “And as much as I want this, Jace, and trust me I do, I’m not sure if it’s what’s best.”
“What do you mean?” Panic seizes my joints, making me stiff as a board.
“So much has happened. There’s so much hurt and distrust. I don’t know how we can get past it. When I look at you, I see the man you’re trying to be, but I also see the man you were. I see the person who lied to me for years. Who kept secrets from me. Who betrayed me in every sense of the word. You deserve to be with someone who looks at you and only sees who you are now. Not someone who judges you based on your past. How can you ever truly be happy if that distrust is always hanging over you? And I’m afraid with me, it always will be.”
“But I want it to be.” I move closer toward her. “Don’t you see that? I need someone who sees me for me. Not just the good parts now, but all the bad and ugly parts too. I need someone who knows me inside and out. Someone who will challenge me and push me and not let a single thing slip through the cracks. I need you, Oakley. I always have.”
“You say that now but what happens when something like this happens again?”
“It won’t.”
“It will. I don’t want you feeling like you have to answer for yourself every time you’re running a few minutes late or if you need to go do something. Your life shouldn’t feel like a prison.”
“I don’t feel like I’m living in a prison, Oakley. The opposite actually. With you I feel free. Free for the first time in such a long fucking time. I finally see the life I always wanted. It’s so close. All I have to do is reach out and take it. I want that life, Oakley. And I want it with you and with our daughter.”
“I’m scared.” The vulnerability in her expression damn near brings me to my knees.
“Oh, baby.” I close the remaining distance between us, pulling her into my arms. “I’m scared too,” I whisper into her hair, my entire body coming to life when her arms wrap around my middle. “But a life without you is so much scarier. You’re all I want. All I’ve ever wanted.” I pull back just enough so that I can look down at her beautiful face. “We’re going to hit bumps along the way. I can’t promise you perfection. But what I can promise you