Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,5

I did. I’m trying really fucking hard to get my life together, but it’s a struggle. Every single fucking day.

I hold my breath, my lungs burning by the time she reaches the round table where I’m sitting, my arms folded in front of me. She sets her purse down before sliding into the seat directly across from me, Dr. Bennett taking the spot to her right.

And then it happens. She looks at me. And fuck if the last thirteen years doesn’t hit me like a series of waves, each one taking me deeper and deeper under water until I feel like I’ll never be able to find my way back to the surface.

Her staring at me as we made love.

Her laughter.

Her smile.

The way she always used to twist her hair around her finger.

Memories pound through me.

The last time we spoke.

The first time I saw her.

The countless nights we spent in that old rickety treehouse, talking and laughing. Dreaming about what our future would be like.

Dr. Bennett begins to speak, but my jumbled brain doesn’t process a single word of it. I’m too distracted. Too consumed. Too overwhelmed by the sight of Oakley after all these years.

“Jace.” The doctor’s voice cuts through the fog and I glance up, realizing she’s waiting on me to speak.

I clear my throat, willing the right words to come out.

“Hi, Oak.” Once I’m able to address her, my voice is unfamiliar, like someone else is speaking.

“Jace.” She gives me a curt nod, her walls so far up I can barely see her over the top of them.

I can’t blame her. Hell, if the roles were reversed, I’d probably have built a fortress between us.

My chest tightens.

“Thank you for coming.” I clear my throat again.

“You said it was important.” She fidgets with the strap of her purse on the table between us, her stare void of any real emotion.

God, I remember a time when talking to Oakley felt as easy as breathing. Now it feels damn near impossible.

“I did,” I confirm. “It is.”

“Well, I’m here,” she says after a too long beat of silence passes between us.

I look to Dr. Bennett for guidance, not really sure where the hell to begin.

“Jace has come really far in his recovery.” She shifts her focus to Oakley. “He’s going to meetings, writing in a journal, and doing all the necessary steps to work toward a life of sobriety. As I’m sure you’re aware, this is not the first time Jace has been with us. But he’s more determined than ever to make this stick, which is where you come in.”

“Okay.” Oakley’s gaze bounces between Dr. Bennett and myself.

“Jace has some things he’d like to discuss with you.” Dr. Bennett gestures toward me to take over. “I’m going to give you two a couple of minutes to talk privately.” With that, she stands to leave and I feel like the safety net has been ripped out from underneath me.

I swear I can hear the tick of seconds as they click by, even though there’s not a clock anywhere in sight. The air is heavy, pressing down on top of me like a thousand-pound weight.

“How… How are you?”

“I’m good.” She shrugs, seeming as unsure of herself as I feel.

“You look good.” I shake my head. “Happy, I mean.”

“I am happy. Really happy, actually.”

The statement is bittersweet. Of course I want her to be happy, but knowing that happiness comes without me is a hard pill to swallow.

I think a part of me had hoped she would be as miserable as I am. The selfish part of me anyway. Truth be told, all I’ve ever wanted was for Oakley to be happy. God knows she deserves it after everything I put her through. Doesn’t make it hurt any less though.

Another long bout of silence stretches between us.

Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.

“How long have you been here?” she asks, breaking the awkwardness.

“Seventy-six days.”

“So you’re getting out in a couple of weeks then?” She does the math in her head.

“Yep.” I pop my lips.

“And what’s your plan? For when you get released? Are you going into some kind of sober living program?”

“Actually, I think I’m going to go stay with my brother for a while.”

“Tommy?” She pauses. “Is that… Is that such a good idea?”

I’m not surprised by her reaction. Tommy has been battling some pretty big demons of his own for a very long time. But he’s finally got his life together. He’s doing well. He’s got a job