Poison - Jade West Page 0,79

there for her, whatever the cost, and she had to come first, no matter how much we wanted each other.

“You have to get to your daughter,” I said, and saw him flinch in his seat. “You know it as well as I do. You have to get to her.”

“There will be a way,” he replied. “I mean, Maya can’t keep her away from me without legitimate reason. Not in the long-term.”

“But she’ll try,” I said. “She’ll use anything she can, and it’ll take months, and battles, and court, and so much time without her before you get it fixed.”

He gripped the steering wheel and cursed, and I reached out to squeeze his hand.

“I can’t choose,” he said. “I can’t walk away from Millie, and I never would, but I can’t walk away from you either. Not again.”

“So what are you going to do?” I asked him. “Threaten Maya with legal action if she doesn’t come back? Split your time between Cheltenham and Hampshire? Do you really want it to get that aggressive between you?”

He didn’t answer, because he didn’t have an answer to give me. I forced my hand away from his and forced my breath into line, and then I straightened up.

“You need to think,” I said. “You need to drop me back at home, and then you need to think.”

He was shaking his head when I spoke. “No. Don’t walk away. Please don’t leave.”

But I was shaking mine right back. “This isn’t leaving,” I said. “The last thing I want is to leave, but you’ll never make a way through this while I’m sitting beside you. It’s too clouded.”

He slammed his hands on the steering wheel three times over. “This can’t! Be fucking! Happening!”

Oh, but it could.

It most definitely could.

“Take me home,” I said again. “Please, Lucas. You have to be objective in this, and that’s never going to happen here.”

My whole body was crying out to hold him tight and go back to his with him. I wanted to greet Bill and Ted, and lose myself in his beautiful filth, climb into bed in his arms, and count on the world outside coming around to us by some miracle, but it wouldn’t. Seeing Nicola and Vicky scoffing at the idea of Lucas making one night’s mistake and trying to be there for an unborn baby was more than enough to show me acceptance was nowhere near in sight. And that was without even beginning to comprehend how far Maya could hold Millie to ransom.

I said it again. “Take me home. Take me home and think.”

Finally, he relented.

He started up the truck and headed down from the hillside. My stomach was fluttering with butterfly sick all the way back into town, and my heart was a wreck as we pulled up in my street.

He grabbed my arm as I opened the passenger door, and his eyes were full of so much hurt it took my breath.

“Don’t leave me, Anna. I can’t make that choice, and I won’t. I’ll figure something out. We’ll figure something out together.”

I nodded, and tried to smile, but it was empty.

“I love you,” I said, and my voice hitched. “You know I love you, but you need to get Millie back and you know that too.”

I left the truck before he could say anything more, and I didn’t look back at him, just put my key in the lock and headed on in.

Vicky was in the living room as I walked on through, and she tried to talk to me, but I couldn’t speak, just headed on through to my bedroom. She knocked at the door and asked to come in, but I told her I needed my space. I forced my meds down and wiped my tears away in my dressing table mirror and wondered how the hell I was going to make it through work the next day.

I’d have to try.

I waited until I was pretty certain Vicky had gone to bed before I showered. There were messages from Lucas and missed calls when I came back to my bedroom, but I didn’t click to read them, because I couldn’t. He needed his time, even if he didn’t want it.

Sleep was hard.

Tossing and turning, and churning with nausea. I don’t know what time I managed to drift into some semblance of rest, but it didn’t do me any good.

My sheets were wet when I woke up, thighs drenched and tongue sore with how much I’d been chewing. I cried a fresh sob