Playing a Player (Sweet Cravings #1) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,59

the door behind me.

Part 3

Chapter 28

I looked down at the envelope that was still clutched in my hand and slowly opened it. It was dated at the top, two days before my articles about Rory had started being published in the paper. I began reading what I had felt then.

I wanted to learn how to play with a player. I came up with the idea to write about my experience, with all the juicy details, so that every woman out there could do the same. This new norm of one night stands is completely horrendous and unacceptable. What happened to gentleman callers and flowers? We all want more. And I wanted to fix it. But I'm not sure I'm the right person for the job anymore. Because I'm falling for the guy I thought I could play.

A few weeks ago, I put an ad in the paper looking for a new roommate. That's when Rory showed up. Rory is the kind of guy that you crush on from a distance but have never actually talked to. You know, the one with the perfect amount of scruff on his perfect face, with abs that you only see on movie stars, and a smile that makes your knees weak. Trust me, I've tripped over my own feet quite a few times around him.

But since he was my roommate, we had to talk. Which may have been worse than admiring him from a distance because I'm so awkward when I have a crush. I ramble and say stupid stuff I don't mean. Somehow we agreed to just be friends in this weird, twisted roommate pact, which I actually wanted nothing to do with. So I started acting even more awkward. Listening to his bed squeaking with different women screaming his name every night made me physically sick. I couldn't handle it. I completely hated that he was a player. Because I wanted him to want me, and only me.

But I knew that was impossible. He barely even noticed me. So my brilliant idea? I asked him for advice on how to have a one night stand. And then I pathetically followed his advice and used it on him. Never in a million years would I normally do something like that. I've only ever had sex with my boyfriends. With Rory though, I'd take what I could get. So I experienced my first one night stand. Despite the label, it wasn't a one night stand to me. A better label probably would have been "best sex of my life" or "best night of my life". I was completely and utterly hooked. All I wanted was more. And now all I can think about is more. So I failed my assignment. I can't play with a player because I've been completely played.

I'm falling for a guy who just wants to be my friend. So I have to listen to his bed squeak and other women scream his name. I have to sit next to him on the couch and pretend everything is fine. And I have to watch the guy I'm falling for eventually fall for someone else.

The words blurred in front of me. Judy had rejected the article, which definitely made sense. It didn't read like a proper editorial piece at all. The words were just my heart and soul on paper. And it was incredibly painful to read, because I wasn't falling for Rory anymore. I had fallen. I loved him and he was currently fucking some other girl. Writing the articles had helped me cope a little the past week, but now that they were done, all I felt was pain. Rory really was the type of guy you admired from a distance. I should have never let him move in with me.

But that would have been worse. Even just getting to be with him a few times was better than never. Because now that I knew he would never feel the same way as me, I realized how final never really was. I crumbled up the paper, tossed it on the table, and looked down at my bowl of ice cream. It had completely melted into dark brown goo.

That's how I felt, like a melted, destroyed version of myself. I wanted to be mad at Rory, but I couldn't be. He had warned me that he wasn't what I wanted. He tried to keep me away with that pact. But I just kept pressing him. It was my fault. Not his.