covered her tiny body. I was faced with his bare back as he held her down. Her long legs ending with pink toenails peeked out from beneath him. I couldn’t see his hands, but I knew he was covering her mouth. Her screams were muffled. I remembered the taste of his salty palm against my lips.
I wanted to scream for her, but my vocal chords felt broken and no sound came from my opened mouth. On their own, my legs moved me. I felt myself leaving the room and walking down the hallway. I took the stairs and somehow managed to keep myself from falling down them. I was in shock and my body felt foreign.
The doorknob to my father’s office felt cold against my heated palm. I knew where the key to his lockbox was hidden. I could remember going down there many nights and contemplating ending all the pain. I could remember unlocking the lockbox and holding the cold steel against my palm. It felt just the same in my palm now as it did all those many nights ago.
It was like I watched someone else’s movements, like a movie on the big screen, as I worked my way out of the office and back up the stairs. I was so far away from everything that nothing I did felt real. The stairs didn’t feel real, the hallway floor didn’t feel real, and when I stepped back into my sister’s room, that definitely didn’t feel real. But it was; everything I did was real. Everything I saw was real.
I stood there for a minute as he started to rip at her nightgown. He released her mouth to use both his hands and her soft cries reached my ears. They didn’t last long and I got a glimpse of her face and closed eyes as he shifted on top of her. She had passed out from fear. I could remember doing the same when I was young. I remembered waking up with my clothes all skewed and knowing my body was different somehow.
All of a sudden, I was back in control of myself. I felt the weight of the gun in my hand as I lifted my arm and pointed it at his back. Ten years of my life came crashing into me. The memories of his body on top of mine, his intrusion, his smell, and the way he sounded—all of it invaded my mind at once. It gave me all the determination I needed and in that moment I knew I was going to pull the trigger if it meant keeping Sidney from going through the same.
The force of the gun kicked my hand up. The sound was so loud it blocked out my hearing for a few seconds until all I could hear was the loud constant beep and buzz of my ears ringing.
His body jerked and he turned with wide eyes. Standing, his full naked body faced me and I felt nauseated by his nudity. He reached back and grabbed his back before bringing his bloodied hand around for inspection. I had indeed hit my mark, but now that I had, I wasn’t satisfied that he was still walking. If he was still walking, then that meant he could still perform. If he could still perform, then that meant Sydney still wasn’t safe. As long as he was breathing I could never be whole and she’d never be safe.
I matched his stare as I once again lifted the gun and aimed for his chest. It would only be the second time I shot a gun in my life and I’d be sure I didn’t miss. I squeezed the trigger once more and again my hand jerked up. His body crumpled to the floor in a mass of blood and naked flesh. I looked over at Sydney who was thankfully still unconscious. There was blood spatter on her pretty face and covering her pink bedding.
My tunneled senses expanded and once again I could take in everything around me. The popping in my ears remained, but now the beating of my heart was added to the sounds around me. The smell of sweat and blood filled my nostrils and the taste of bile filled the back of my throat as I felt myself getting sick. All those things slammed into me all at once and yet I felt so much lighter, as if a thousand-pound weight had been lifted from my chest.