In response, Theo slung his cheesy toast on the floor. I retrieved it and put it back on his plate. “There’s no point in doing that, because you still have to eat it, and now it won’t be as nice.” My phone rang. There was no caller ID, which meant it might be one of our lawyers. “Hello?”
“Hello Peter,” Lyn’s voice said, her Welsh accent emphasized by her slow, careful delivery. “Is it a convenient time? It’s just a quick question, really.”
“No! No! No!” Theo’s face was now puce with anger as he banged the table with his fists.
“Yes, I guess so,” I said, desperately looking around for somewhere quiet. There wasn’t anywhere, not unless I went upstairs, in which case an unsupervised Theo would almost certainly wreak havoc with his tea. “Let me just sort out Theo.”
“Of course.”
I picked up a mini roll, then hesitated. If I let Theo have it, he’d shut up for a minute or two, granted, but I’d also have committed the cardinal sin of giving in to a tantrum, and I couldn’t do that, not even for CAFCASS. I reached into the back of the cupboard for a foil-wrapped biscuit instead, consoling myself with the thought that since it wasn’t actually a mini roll, technically I’d carried out my threat. “Here, Theo. Eat some of the cheese on toast, then this.” His eyes lit up as he grabbed it. There was no chance he’d eat the toast first, of course, but at least he’d have to unwrap the biscuit, which would be good for his fine motor skills.
“Right,” I said into the phone. “Go ahead.”
“All it was, was to ask if you would be prepared to attend some parenting classes,” Lyn said. “Now, a lot of parents think they wouldn’t be useful, or that it’s like going back to school, which it isn’t at all. Because really, we could all learn something about being better parents, couldn’t we? I know I could. And it would help to counter anyone saying that parenting style is a particular issue here, do you see? I’m trying to be helpful, Peter. Because it would show that, if there were any behavioral issues, you were just as keen to address them as we are.”
For a moment I couldn’t speak. I actually felt dizzy with rage. The idea that my parenting was the issue here—when Miles’s idea of good parenting was probably teaching Theo how to cheat at rugby—was so ridiculous, so utterly twisted, it made me want to throw up.
I heard my voice say, “Well, if you think it could help Theo’s turn-taking, of course I’ll attend parenting classes.”
“Excellent, Peter.” Lyn sounded relieved. “I’ll put that in my letter, then.”
64
MADDIE
AND THEN WE WAIT.
For the next ten days the law takes its slow, winding course. We shouldn’t in any case expect too much from the first hearing, Anita’s warned us: The judge will simply read the recommendations in the safeguarding letter, encourage the parties to come to an agreement, and set a date for the final hearing, the only one that really matters.
Pete attends his first parenting class. He goes determined to show the instructors he’s got nothing to learn, but comes back saying it was actually quite useful.
“There are some children who basically don’t learn from punishment, so things like naughty step are wasted on them,” he reports. “They respond better to reward. But you have to start off by giving the reward instantly, so they learn you really mean it, before you work up to deferred rewards on a schedule.”
He starts by rewarding Theo for quite ordinary things. “Theo, you’re playing with that train really nicely. Here’s a chocolate button.” “Theo, I noticed you’ve been quiet for five minutes now. Have a raisin.” Initially, Theo is somewhat surprised by this sudden shower of treats, but he quickly gets the idea that doing certain things results in a reward. And if a nice drawing, done on paper instead of the wall, leads to a handful of chocolate buttons, what will eating his cheese on toast without complaint provide? Soon the downstairs walls are covered in star charts for bigger prizes—for eating his breakfast quickly, for getting ready for bed, for sleeping through. It seems to work, too. Personally I’m not sure if it’s really because of the charts, or if Theo is simply growing out of his terrible twos at last, but the transformation is certainly impressive.