then says quietly, “I’ll never forget that moment. He took my hand and bent down so he could whisper in my ear. I expect the nurses thought he was saying something encouraging, to help with the contractions. But his voice—well, he just went still. That’s what I call them—Miles’s stillnesses. I’m used to them now, of course, as much as anyone can be, but that was the first time. He said…” She blinks back tears and swallows hard. “He said, ‘If you’ve killed my son, I swear I’ll kill you.’ ”
She lets me put my hand over hers now. I squeeze reassuringly, but say nothing.
“I suppose I’d started to realize by then anyway. I mean, he’d been so distant all through the pregnancy. Like he didn’t need to bother with me anymore. As if everything before had been a massive effort, and now the job was done he could stop pretending. I mean, I’m sure he’d tried to love me, but when I didn’t measure up, he started to ignore me instead.”
She falls silent, remembering.
“And the baby was sent to the NICU,” I say.
“Yes.” She glances at Pete. “Where almost the first thing I saw was Pete, crying for his baby. I thought—well, that’s normal, isn’t it? That’s what a real father would do. I suppose I envied my child the life that baby was going to have. And then a few minutes later this grumpy nurse—Paula—marched up to the mobile incubators and said, ‘Which one’s David Lambert? This one?’ And I—I nodded, even though she was pointing to the wrong cot. So she wheeled it away, across the ward, and I followed her. It was a moment of madness. I didn’t even think it would last, not to begin with—I thought any second the mix-up would be discovered, and my little fantasy would be over. But then, when Paula was off getting something, I looked down and saw a paper tag in the cot as well, lying loose. So I pocketed it.”
“And David became Theo,” I say softly. “Safely stowed inside another family.”
She nods. “How did you guess that’s what happened?”
I hold her gaze. It’s important she understands this, that she doesn’t feel entirely alone. “Because I felt the exact same thing. Not back then, in the NICU. It was when Miles first made his move on Theo and David, and I decided we had to fight for David, too. It was crazy on so many levels, but it wasn’t something I thought through rationally. I just knew.”
I’m so rarely maternal, I hadn’t recognized it at first—not until Judge Wakefield was making it clear that, having won Theo, there was little point in pursuing our claim for David. I’d looked across at Lucy, wiping away tears of relief, and thought, At least he’s loved. And I’d realized that my desire to fight for David had been, at root, pure instinct—the overwhelming, urgent need to protect my son from Miles.
It was only last night, talking to Pete in the darkness, that I’d finally made the connection. If I’d felt that way, what were the chances Theo’s mother had, too?
Lucy’s saying, “Of course, I didn’t know the one I’d taken was brain-damaged, not at first. It was several days before the doctors found that out. When they told us—well, I accepted it as my due. I was pleased for you, actually. I thought, I might have done an unforgivable thing, but at least they got a baby that’s healthy. And I could love David, I knew I could. Perhaps even more than you might have. Because I had no one else, you see. Miles had absolutely no interest in either of us. The child was a failure and I was a failure and that was all there was to it. I mean, he put on a good show of being a caring father when it suited him, but when we were alone…” She pauses. “He can be quite cutting,” she finishes with vague understatement.
“But you’ve stayed with him.”
“Yes.” She grimaces. “You must think I’m so pathetic. I know you’d never have stood for it. But somehow we muddled along. And I had David. He needs so much…I don’t think I could cope with him on my own. And Miles is much better once you’ve worked out how not to make him angry.”
Beside me, Pete twitches. I know he’s itching to say that Miles had no right to treat her like that in the first place, and that it certainly shouldn’t