A Plague of Giants (Seven Kennings #1) - Kevin Hearne Page 0,143

had known of him for a long time, but we hadn’t really spoken until the day before, and though we got along well, he also got along well with everyone, and I couldn’t assume that he felt closer to me than any of the Seekers. Because Tamhan looked to me, and I suppose because I was the one with the kenning, they all looked to me to lead them when what I wished for the most was to walk off alone and give my frustration and regret its proper voice and time. I saw in their eyes that they carried a set of expectations in their field bags that I couldn’t fulfill. I couldn’t make their lives better. All I could do was lead them to the nughobe grove and hope that at least one of them would be blessed.

The fear growing in my chest was that they might all die. In the eyes of the authorities of Khul Bashab, I would be responsible for killing all these kids. And I’d be responsible for the soldiers’ deaths and Madhep’s as well: authorities never take responsibility for their misconduct.

I already felt responsible for those men, and it was a heavy burden in my mind on top of all the others, one I would have to carry for a long time. I might have doomed all chance of being accepted or even allowed to exist by the government with a single uncontrolled flare of my temper. That one unguarded reaction might prevent me from doing so much good.

There are healers I know, for example, who believe that insects can spread disease. If that is a truth and I can stop insects from biting, then think how many lives I could save if only I was allowed. Would that not in time make up for the lives I took?

But already I see no path by which I can be forgiven for what happened. Madhep’s family wouldn’t forgive me, if any of them could be found, and Tamhan’s father would make sure the viceroy didn’t either. Not that the viceroy would need an incentive to turn against me after I killed a bunch of his men and took their horses.

We started small fires and tried to sleep, hoping perhaps that we would wake and find it had been a nightmare, easily banished. I took care to make sure everyone was within a sphere of my protection before picking my place to lie down, close to Tamhan but not close enough.

In the morning Madhep was still gone, my family was still gone, and I wept silently before anyone was up to see. But once it was daylight and I had to be the leader again, I spoke to the Seekers with Tamhan behind me, Murr by my side, and Eep perched on my shoulder.

“I wish to emphasize that you don’t need to seek this kenning and that you may change your mind at any time,” I said. “There is absolutely no obligation here. And there is also no shame. None of us is a judge, and none can decide for someone else what they should do with their life. After those who seek the kenning are finished, I will escort everyone else back to Khul Bashab so you will be safe.”

They stared at me in silence and a few of them nodded, but there were no questions. No challenges, either. They merely followed me, and some of them talked with one another through prior acquaintance, but none spoke with me and none made an effort to make new friends. No one knew if they’d still be alive to continue a friendship in a few days.

None of them volunteered their names after Madhep died, and I didn’t ask. Without Murr and Eep and Tamhan around to keep me company, it would have been a very lonely time. Tamhan spoke to me about what he had learned about business from his father: colluding with the viceroy and essentially bribing him through politely labeled methods ensured a tidy profit. The viceroy’s cronies became wealthy that way, the other merchants just got by, and all the rest subsisted if they were lucky. The unlucky ones—well, they met a bad end in the river or outside the walls, or they were walking with us to an uncertain future. He shared so much more, and I think some of it might have been important, economics and politics and so on, but I admit that much of it barely registered. I just