“Where is my mom?!” I screamed toward the locked door. “I want to see my mom! You can’t keep me in here! She needs me! My momma needs me! Open the door!” I slammed my fists against the hard wood with as much force as I could. “Just open the door and let me see her! Please! Just open the door!”
I couldn’t hold back my feelings. I couldn’t control the pain, the sadness I didn’t understand that was taking over me.
It was hard to breathe, to see, to feel anything other than the mad feelings in my heart.
“I want my momma! I just want my momma! Please! Please! I’ll be a good boy! I promise, I’ll be a good boy, just let me see her!”
My fists pounded against the door harder and faster until it hurt so bad, I had to stop.
Until all I saw was Momma behind my tears.
Until all I wanted was to give up and wait for her to come find me.
I needed her to hold me in her arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. That everything was going to go back to the way it used to be before she got sick. Before she stopped playing with me, before she stopped taking care of me…
Before.
Before.
Before.
“Please,” I begged, losing all the fight I had left. My feet slipping out from underneath me, bringing me down to the cold floor.
I was so tired.
“Dear, God. Heavenly Father. Please let my momma be okay. Please let me see her. Please don’t take her away from me. She’s all I have. She’s all I’ve ever had. I can’t lose her, please don’t let me lose her. Please, God—”
When I heard the keys turning in the lock, I stood up quick. Thinking my prayers had been answered. Waiting to see my momma walk through that door.
With my heart pounding out of my chest, I greeted a woman I’d never met. Blurting, “You’re not my mom.”
She didn’t look at me at first. Instead, she nodded to the nurse who pulled me in here, and then to the tall, scary man I didn’t know, before finally looking me in the eyes.
The look on their faces made my belly ache and my muscles squeeze tight, but I still didn’t let it get to me.
I had to stay strong for my momma.
The woman with kind eyes got down in front of me, putting herself at my eye level.
“Hi, Aiden. My name is Misty, and I work for CPS. Do you know what CPS is?”
I swallowed what felt like something mushy in my throat, slowly shaking my head no. Trying to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, like Momma showed me when I was scared.
“Well, I work with kids and their parents, Aiden. I make sure kids are safe, having a place to live and getting everything they need. Do you understand?”
I nodded because I couldn’t get the words out.
“Can you tell me a little bit about what happened today?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Can you take me to see my mom? Please. I just want to see my mom.”
For a second her eyes moved to the other people in the room before she said, “Aiden, I’m going to need you to come with us, okay?”
“Are you going to take me to her?”
“No, I’m not, but I will take you somewhere that has people who will take care of you.”
I stepped back, getting away from her. “I don’t want to go with you, I want my mom. You’re not my mom. You can’t take me anywhere.”
They taught us stranger danger in school. I knew all about it.
“I know you want your mom, sweetie, but she’s…” She stopped talking, taking a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Aiden, but your mom is gon—”
“NO!” I instantly covered my ears and shut my eyes as tight as I could. “I can’t hear you! I can’t see you! I want my momma! I want my momma! Get away from me and go get my mom! I want my mom! I hate you! I’m not going anywhere with you! I want my mom now!”
Strong hands grabbed my wrists, yanking my hands away from my ears, and I lost it. Going after anything I could see in the office, I destroyed everything around me. I ran around the office, that I now saw was the hospital’s playroom, my feet stomping everywhere I