The Piano Man Project Page 0,122

You’re the best friends.’

‘Fight for him,’ Tash murmured as she kissed Honey’s cheek.

‘Make him fight for you,’ Nell whispered, and with a small, sad smile, Honey ushered them out of the door.

‘Here we are again,’ Hal said after Honey had closed the door behind her friends. ‘Just you and me in this lobby.’

Honey leaned against the door. ‘We started it here. I guess it’s fitting that we end it here too,’ she said, because despite Nell and Tash’s parting advice, she knew that it was inevitable that Hal was going to walk out of here tonight.

‘Well, you have the advantage on me,’ she said. ‘I guess you heard everything I said earlier?’

His silence confirmed what his words didn’t.

‘So yeah,’ she laughed shakily, a sad sound that echoed around the lobby. ‘I love you, despite the fact that you’re the most difficult, rude person I know. You’ve done nothing to earn it, yet my love is yours anyway.’ She shrugged. ‘Take it. Keep it. Throw it away. Do whatever you like with it, because it’s not mine anymore.’

He looked anguished, not at all like a man glad to hear love declarations.

‘I never intended to let things get this far,’ he said. ‘I tried to tell you. I tried to stop it. Don’t love me, Honey. I don’t love me. Fuck, I barely even know me, so there’s no way you can.’

Oh, he wasn’t getting away with that.

‘You’re wrong. I do know you. I probably know you better than you know yourself right now. Maybe you haven’t given up on the old Hal, but I only know the new one, and he’s the man I love,’ she said. ‘Am I not enough, Hal? Is that it? Life here is boring compared to the glitzy London life? I can’t compete with that. I’m not even going to try.’

Hal stepped closer and reached out, holding her by the shoulders.

‘Honey, there is no competition. You win. You win hands down, okay? Life with you isn’t dull. It’s a fucking technicolour rainbow.’

What was he saying? She struggled to sift his words, even more so when his thumb brushed along her collarbone.

‘You’re not second choice. You’re first. The best. The most fucking exceptional girl I’ve ever met in my life.’

‘So why won’t you stay with me?’ she whispered, because despite everything he’d said, she knew he was still going to leave her.

He shook his head, and then slowly removed his dark shades and put them in the pocket of his coat.

‘Because of this,’ he said starkly. ‘I don’t want this life for you. It’s my life, but I won’t let it be yours too.’

Frustration burned hot in Honey’s chest. ‘You know what? I don’t think I’d have loved the man you used to be. I love you just as you are right now. Why can’t you be brave enough to love me back, Hal?’

‘Because this isn’t a place for exceptional rainbow girls,’ he said, touching the side of his head. ‘It’s dark in here, Honey. I’m dark, and I’ll tarnish you if you stay with me.’

‘That’s a crock of shit, Hal.’

He shook his head. ‘Your friends are right. You’ll meet someone else. Someone funny and lighthearted, someone who can love you properly, who can be the husband you deserve, give you beautiful, crazy children. I’m not that man.’

‘You loved me properly,’ she said, hot tears on her cheeks. ‘No one’s ever loved me as properly as you.’

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, so close she could feel his breath on her lips. His hands were still on her shoulders, his thumb still grazed the dip between her collarbones.

‘I’m going away soon,’ he said, slowly.

‘No!’ Desperation edged into her voice. ‘Please Hal, don’t walk away and never come back.’

‘I won’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?’ he said, stepping away from her. ‘I’m not trying to hurt you, Honey. If I stay, I’ll hurt you more.’

Honey reached out and gripped the lapels of his coat.

‘I’m a grown woman, Hal. I make my own choices, and I choose you.’

To a stranger looking in, they might have looked romantic, like a couple locked in a train station embrace.

‘And I make mine, Honey,’ he said quietly, moving to the door. ‘I don’t choose you.’

It would have hurt less if he’d punched her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

A few weeks living in a potting shed turned out to be the most reflective time in Hal’s entire life. He’d been dubious at first when Billy had suggested it as an alternative to calling a