Phoenix Rising Issue #3 - S. R. Watson Page 0,22

never thought about it like that,” I admit.

“I only know because the similarities are too much to be a coincidence.”

“Similarities? What are you talking about?” I’m confused.

“The self-deprecating, self-destructive behavior. When I met you, I knew you were lost. I didn’t know your story, but I just knew you needed someone. I wasn’t put off by your goth armor.”

“What are you saying? You think Phoenix is lost?” I didn’t want to think about the girl I was when Irelyn met me. She’s right. I was hurting, and my attempts to suppress the shit I’d been through had me spiraling.

“I think he’s dealing with something he doesn’t know how to handle, so he’s pushing away those closest to him. I think the stuff unraveled on the news is only surface deep. You had your coping mechanisms, and I’m guessing these are his—to shut people out and ignore the problem.”

This is why I needed to call her. She brings forth clarity, where there was none. “How did you become so wise?”

“I’ve just always been able to get a good read on people. And right now, my gut tells me Phoenix needs you. He managed to get through to you even when I couldn’t. He kept chipping away at your armor until he pierced through. He refused to let you push him away. I was there for you, babe, but he saved you.”

This time, I can’t prevent the tears from falling because she’s right. Even though Sevyn and Phoenix played their switch-a-roo at the lake house, he’s the one who ultimately made me believe in myself—help me take back my power and control over my body.

“He needs me,” I conclude, barely above a whisper.

“I would say so. He needs help battling whatever he’s facing, but only if you’re strong enough to be there for him. There’s no shame if you aren’t. I just wanted to shed light on the aspect you weren’t seeing.”

“It’s just so hard to see him with Melissa,” I confess.

“If I had to guess, I’d say she’s his armor—his version of goth. I can’t say any of this for certain, but I’ve been accurate in my assessments thus far.”

“So what do I do?”

“You only have two things you can do, and it’s ultimately your decision. You either look beyond his armor and keep chipping away at it, or you walk away if realistically you’re not ready for what that entails.”

“You’re freaking brilliant, woman. It still hurts like hell, so either way, it won’t be an easy decision.”

“Both roads lead to unavoidable pain. You just have to decide which path is worth it.”

“Love you, Irelyn. I’ll call you soon. You’ve given me loads to think about, and with the clarity I needed.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Don’t hesitate to call me morning or night. I’m here for you regardless of what you decide. Love you too.”

We end the call, and I just sit on the bed, flabbergasted. So much perspective in that one phone call. She’s right; both roads lead to pain. If I give up on him, the loss will be more than I care to think about. And if I stay and fight for him, fight to bring him back from whatever edge he’s fallen over, I have to contend with the pain of having Melissa here and him pushing me away.

The choice seems so clear now, as if there was never a choice to begin with. He’s risked it all, and for what? That is what I intend to find out. He was there for me when I was at my lowest. I can’t ignore that he needs someone to be there for him now. If Melissa is his armor, then I won’t stop until she’s conquered. Hopefully, our happiness is on the other side of the pain. At least this path has that chance.

I dry my eyes and grab my towel. Today, I actually put on a one-piece. Newfound determination propels me forward. I don’t know how I’m going to get through to Phoenix, but I can’t do it hiding in the house, so I head outside. Lily meets me on the steps as I exit the house.

“I was just coming to get you. Kicking and screaming if I had to.” She chuckles at her own joke.

“No need. I’m coming.”

She loops her arm through mine as we walk to where the fish are frying. The guys have already been out and caught our dinner. I watch as Phoenix and Melissa gut and clean the fish on the