Is Eli upset about me telling his mom about doggy style sex? Will he get revenge by telling my dad? My dad is not the kind of guy you joke with about his daughter and definitely not about pounding her from the backside.
“Hey!” I practically burst out the front door, a little out of breath and a lot anxious about the situation.
Eli and Roman on my property.
Eli and Roman meeting my parents for the first time.
Eli with that I-just-fucked-your-daughter look on his face.
Okay, I might be incorrectly reading into that look, but it still feels like a real possibility.
“Hey. Glad you made it home safely.” Eli smiles at me.
“Sorry, I totally got distracted and didn’t pay attention to the fact that you were no longer behind me.”
“Your phone didn’t ring in your car?”
“She drives like a bat out of Hell.” Dad shakes his head. “And if she’s distracted, a fire alarm could fall on deaf ears.”
“You should introduce us, Dorothy.” Mom’s voice chimes right behind me.
“Randy already introduced himself. I’m Eli and this is Roman.” Eli holds out his hand to my mom.
“Kellie. Nice to meet both of you. Dorothy talks nonstop about you.”
“Mom …” I mumble between gritted teeth.
Eli winks at me as Roman tugs on his arm.
“Daddy, look!” He points to my Orville and Wilbur strutting toward the fence. “Listen, Daddy! Listen!”
I laugh. “Let’s go see them, Romeo.” I hold out my hand, and he takes it. “You can come too, Eli.”
“I’m good. I’ll just stay here and chat with your parents.”
“No. You need to come meet my emus.”
He chuckles along with my parents, but after a few seconds, I hear the rocks behind me crunching beneath his footsteps.
“Big bird! Daddy, look at the big birds!”
“Yes. What did I tell you they’re called?”
“Me-yous.”
Oh my god … this kid is so damn adorable. “Emus.” I lift him up as we approach the fence.
“This is Wilbur. He’s a lover.” I stroke Wilbur’s neck. “And this is Orville. He’s a little ornery. You’ll see what I mean. He’s a little more spastic.”
Ruff!
Gemma runs toward them. “And this is my girl, Gemma. She has access to the fenced-in area and the house. Orville has managed to get himself caught in Gemma’s access door more than once.”
“Soft …” Roman says with reverence as he pets Wilbur. “Look, Daddy! A doggie.”
As soon as the emus catch sight of Gemma running toward them, they take off like two robbers fleeing a bank.
“And so the chase begins.” I laugh.
“Who wears out first?” Eli asks.
“Gemma. Those birds can run for hours and then cool off in the pond or kiddie pool.”
“Daddy, look at the me-yous run!”
“They’re fast, huh?”
“Yes!” Roman punches the air with his little fist. “Daddy, look!” He points to my trampoline.
“Oh … that looks … dangerous.” Eli shoots me a tight-lipped smile.
“Daddy, let’s bounce.”
“Tiny fracture to my arm, but other than that, it’s been pretty safe. Let’s check it out while those three wear themselves out.”
I set Roman down, and he runs straight to the trampoline. We jog to catch up to him. I help him in through the mesh doorway and crawl in behind him.
“This view might be worth a tiny fracture.”
I glance back at Eli’s smirk as he stares at my ass. He’s seen his share of it today.
“Perv.” I roll my eyes.
“It’s not my fault you keep putting it in my face.”
We take turns jumping with Roman, having a fun day I didn’t expect. Then we play with Gemma, Orville, and Wilbur once their energy settles into something more manageable for Roman. And by manageable, I mean they are perched on their clean blankets in their shed, letting Roman love on them. I take at least fifty photos.
“What are you going to do with all of those pictures?” Eli asks as I flip through them.
“Put them on their Instagram page.”
“Whose Instagram page?”
“Orville’s and Wilbur’s.”
“What? Your emus have their own Instagram page?”
I hold up my phone.
Eli’s eyes try to pop out of his head as he leans closer to my phone. “Your emus have over five hundred thousand followers? Is that for real?”
“Real.” I shrug. “What can I say? People like animals better than humans. I know I do.”
He chuckles. “Clearly, you might not be alone.” He nods toward Roman asleep between Wilbur and Orville.
I have to snap ten more pics.
“Do you have a personal account? A Dorothy Mayhem account?”
“Yeah.”
“And how many followers does it have?”
I pull up my account and show him.
He lifts his right eyebrow at the screen. “Thirteen people?”