seal away all my emotions didn’t seem to work anymore. Crosby had eaten away at it with his challenge to experience everything life had to offer. And now I couldn’t put it back together, no matter how hard I tried.
Bell tugged me down onto a worn log. “Tell me what happened.”
I walked her through it all. How Crosby didn’t want a forever kind of relationship, no marriage, no family. How Alicia had wounded him. I told her that I’d fallen in love with him despite it all. How he made me see the world differently. I shared how he’d been pulling away for the past few days, and who I’d found him with this morning. “I love him, Bells. But I can’t live like this. It was crazy for me to think I could. I’m always going to want more, and that’s not fair to him. Or to me.”
Bell laced her fingers through mine and squeezed. “I think you need to let him make that choice.”
I shuddered at the thought. I wanted to close myself off to him before I’d given us the opportunity to talk things out. But Bell was right. He deserved to know how I felt. What I wanted. Even if I didn’t think it would change anything. “I’ll talk to him. But it’s going to hurt.”
“Sometimes, you have to hurt before you can heal. Ford taught me that.”
I gave her a small smile. “I’m glad you guys worked through things.”
Bell’s eyes searched mine. “You and Crosby might, too.”
“I don’t think so.” It killed something deep inside me to say those words aloud, but they were the truth.
“Even if things don’t work out, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. He changed you, Kenna. Opened you up to experience life again. That will always be a gift.”
And I would be grateful for that for the rest of my days.
I rubbed my hands down the legs of my jeans. The past couple of hours had been a blur. Corrie had found me the perfect office and for a screaming deal. How she’d managed to work that magic, I had no idea, but I was grateful. I wished I could soak in the joy of the moment, but I was numb. Totally and utterly dead to any feeling other than the anxiety thrumming through me.
Before I reached the bottom step to the law office, the door swung open, and Crosby appeared. He looked miserable, but it didn’t stop my heart from doing a little flip and roll. That would probably never end. I was cursed to feel that free fall whenever I ran into him on this tiny island. I pushed the thought from my head and managed a, “Hey,” but it came out a little hoarse.
“Hey, Brown Eyes. Walk with me?”
The nickname twisted something in my chest. Would he still call me that when this was over? What would feel worse? Being greeted with Brown Eyes or my given name that meant I’d been returned to the role of casual acquaintance?
We headed across the grass and towards the water. It wasn’t until our feet hit the gray sand that Crosby spoke. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Alicia showed up two days ago and really threw me for a loop. I just needed some time to get my head on straight.”
I focused my gaze on the beach, knowing that if I looked at Crosby, my resolve would melt away. “I understand needing space, time to process, but you could’ve told me what was going on. What you needed. Instead, you ran away and left me wondering what the hell had happened.” I risked a quick glance in Crosby’s direction. His jaw was set as hard as the stones scattered across the beach. “I was worried. I thought you might’ve been in a rock-climbing accident. I had to text Bell and see if you were at the bar. Turns out, you were too busy yucking it up with a buddy to let me know your plans had changed.”
Crosby stopped walking. “I fucked up. I know it. Alicia wouldn’t stop texting me, so I put my phone on silent. I had a little too much to drink and lost track of time. It was careless. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
I bent to pick up a small, smooth stone and traced its edges with my finger. Crosby freaking out and blowing me off could be forgiven, but the wakeup call it was couldn’t be forgotten. I