broken mess, he was staying. People underestimated the gift of holding steady, of just being present. But I knew the truth. To stay was the greatest gift of all.
33
Crosby
“Stop tiptoeing around me like I’m going to shatter into a million pieces.”
“I’m not.” But that was exactly what I was doing. I’d been moving around Kenna’s kitchen this morning like any wrong step could send her hurtling across the point of no return. She’d broken last night. And as much as I knew that she needed to let all of that pain out, I never wanted to see the sight again. Never wanted to hold Kenna as her body convulsed against mine.
“I’m okay, really.” Kenna took a sip of her coffee as if that would prove the point.
I slid onto the stool next to hers and pulled her closer to me. “You don’t have to be fine, you know.”
Kenna’s lips pressed into a firm line. “A lot has happened over the past month. It was bound to bring up some hard memories.” She looked up and met my gaze, uncertainty in her eyes. “Thank you for staying with me last night.”
I couldn’t help the scowl that took over my features. Of course, I’d stayed. I wouldn’t have left Kenna alone in her pain. My scowl eased a bit as I realized where her statement had come from. I’d never stayed over on a night when we hadn’t had sex. Because that’s what this thing between us had always been: sex with a healthy dose of friendship and a side of bickering banter. But somewhere along the way, things had changed. Lines had blurred, and now I had no idea where we stood. But I knew that I wanted Kenna with me, that I never wanted to see that stark pain in her eyes again. I loved the feeling of curving myself around her in sleep.
“You don’t have to thank me for that. I wanted to be here.” And the fact that I never wanted to leave had anxiety pricking my gut. I picked up my coffee and took a sip, forcing myself to breathe deeply.
Kenna reached out and squeezed my thigh. “I want to thank you. It meant a lot.”
“Okay, thanks received and appreciated.”
She laughed. “Man, you really aren’t good with gratitude.”
I set my coffee cup down. “I guess not. But feel free to compliment my sexual prowess, I have no trouble accepting that praise.”
Kenna shook her head and took a bite of a bagel. “What’s on your agenda today?”
“I was going to see if you wanted to go paddleboarding with me again.”
“Don’t you have to prepare for tomorrow?”
I was back in court at eight a.m. tomorrow, and it was Kenna’s first time being called to the witness stand. “I’ve got a few things I need to look over this afternoon, but I’m ready.” Truthfully, I didn’t want Kenna out of my sight today. She said she was fine, but I didn’t want grief to attack the moment she was alone.
Her eyes brightened. “I’d love that.”
“Looks like someone’s got the bug. Funny after all the shit you talked about my love of the activity.”
That adorable pink hit her cheeks. “I’m sorry about that…”
“Uh-huh…” I eyed Kenna for a moment and then dove for her sides, tickling the tender skin there. She shrieked and whirled, practically throwing herself from the stool.
Kenna held out her butter knife. “Don’t you dare…”
My lips twitched. “Who would’ve thought prim and proper Kenna was so ticklish.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You better keep that information to yourself.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t want anyone else to steal my fun.” I dove for her again, and the sound of her tear-filled laughter was music to my ears.
“Crosby, look.” Kenna spoke in a hushed whisper as though her voice might scare away the majestic creature just cresting out of the water.
“He can’t hear you from here.”
Kenna scowled in my direction. “An Orca’s hearing is actually very acute under the surface.”
I dipped my paddle into the water, bringing me closer to Kenna. “Well, Miss Know-It-All, we’re above water.”
“Yeah, yeah. Stop interrupting my whale watching.”
I reached my paddle out and gave Kenna’s board the slightest little shake. She froze, holding out her arms for balance. “If you send me into this freezing water, I will give you the worst case of blue balls of your life.”
I barked out a laugh. “You’re brutal, woman.”
She pointed her paddle at me. “And don’t you forget it.”
We cruised around the inlet for another hour, watching the whales farther out