a squeeze, silently begging for him to hear me, to understand, to let me in. “But not all the way.”
He tore his hands from mine. “Why can’t what we have be enough for you? I need the freedom I’ve built for myself, and I won’t give that up for anyone. Not even you.”
His words were a physical blow, landing in my stomach and chest. “I’m not trying to steal your freedom.” Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. “I never want to chain you down. I just wanted to give you more life to experience.” Partnership. Family. But I wouldn’t force that on him.
Tears began to spill over now. Apparently, I was a crier, after all. “I don’t want to resent you. I don’t want you to hate me for putting pressure on you. And that’s exactly what will happen if we keep this up. Look at us, it’s happening already.”
And that knowledge broke my heart. I inhaled a shaky breath. “I love you, Crosby. I always will, but that means I have to let you go.” Each word cut as I spoke it, but it didn’t change the necessity of the release. “If we walk away now, we still have a shot at friendship.” God, it would kill to have him in my life but know that he wasn’t mine. But it would be far worse to pretend we were strangers.
“Friends? Are you seriously having the let’s-just-be-friends conversation with me right now?”
The anger in Crosby’s gaze was still flickering, but underneath, I saw the hurt. I swallowed hard. “I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you completely.”
His hands fisted at his sides, knuckles going white. “Well, I’m not sure you get to make that decision.” Without another word, he turned and strode back towards his office.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Crosby as he walked away. Each step seemed to tug at the cavity of my chest a little more. I bit down on my lip, using the pain as a distraction, a reminder that I couldn’t run after him. If I did, I’d only be courting a greater heartbreak. And I wasn’t sure I’d recover from the one already tearing me in two.
45
Crosby
“God, you look pathetic.”
I glared at Hunter over my Guinness. “Thanks for that.”
Ford glanced up from filling a pitcher of beer. “He’s not wrong. You are looking a little rough.”
I knew they were right. I felt like death warmed over. But that’s what happened when you barely slept for three days. It turned out I’d gotten used to having Kenna’s body curled into mine, her adorable little snores and mumbles in her sleep. Now, all I had was my cold bed and sleepless nights.
Ford handed the pitcher to one of the new waitresses. “You rethinking your life choices?”
I popped a French fry into my mouth but barely registered the fried tastiness. I was rethinking everything. I’d been an asshole to Kenna when she ended things, and we hadn’t spoken since. I needed to make that right, but I knew that facing her would bring it all back. I wanted her more than my next breath, so why couldn’t I let myself go there? The minute I considered it, my chest tightened, and I couldn’t seem to get a full breath. Kenna was right, I was running scared. And didn’t that just make me feel like a pansy-ass?
Hunter held up his empty bottle to his brother, silently asking for another. “I think that quiet brooding over there is definitely a sign of some regret.”
“You two are worse than nagging grandmas. Hell, you’re worse than Penny.” She’s been harping at me to set things right with Kenna since the moment I walked back into the office and threw a stapler at the wall.
Hunter scowled at me. “I’m not a nag. I just know a good woman when I see one. And I know not to waste that shot.”
My hand tightened around my glass. Hunter knew too many good women. “You just don’t know how to hold on to them, right?”
He turned to face me. “Well, maybe it’s time I changed that. If I ask Miss Kenna on a date, should I take her to The Cove or Rocco’s?”
The fierce desire to throttle Hunter shocked the hell out of me. He was just giving me shit. But I knew that it wouldn’t be long before some asshole did ask Kenna out. Maybe that smarmy accountant she’d been dating would come back around.