I blame her for doing what she needed to support herself? How could I blame anyone for doing that in such a cruel world?
“Okay,” I said. “Then you do. I just…” I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. This ‘normal.’ I’m just not sure what that means yet.”
“Does that mean you and Calvin…” She glanced at the obscene diamond ring still sitting on the table in front of me. “Won’t be renewing those eternal vows after all?”
I shook my head in a hurry. Even if she was playing the friend right now, I was under no illusions she wouldn’t possibly use a bit of currency—like my intention to leave Calvin after the trial—against me should it benefit her.
“No,” I said. “I don’t know about a big ceremony, but I’m not planning anything else, if that’s what you’re asking. I just mean I want to do something more with my life besides attend benefit luncheons and meet with my trainer. I’m just not sure what that is yet.”
Caitlyn examined me curiously as she took a long drink of her wine. But before she could reply, the dining room door burst open again, and Calvin rushed in, phone in hand.
“I have to go out,” he said. “A deal I was working on today went south, and I have to go downtown.”
I turned. “At ten o’clock at night?”
“Yes!” Calvin snarled. “And I have more bad news too. It’s probably going to take me weeks to fix this mess, so I’ll probably just stay at the office for the week so Olivia doesn’t get in my way. I’ll be back tonight to get my things.”
My mouth dropped. “You’re kidding. Livy’s only home for a week before she leaves for camp. She’ll be crushed if she can’t see you.”
“Olivia will deal with it,” Calvin snapped. “Honestly, Nina, whose side are you on here? I’m the one who’s been accused of these bullshit charges that are currently ruining my life. I’d think you’d have a little more consideration for your own husband instead of your turncoat cousin and that trampy little chink he married.”
Caitlyn and I both recoiled at the racial slur. I gripped my fork, wanting to throw it at him. But my best hope for avoiding a repeat of the night before was to choose my battles. Ignore these moments. Try to let the dust settle.
“I have to go,” he said again. “But when I get back, I expect a little more gratitude. And that ring on your fucking finger.”
My mouth dropped. I literally had no idea what to say to that. I had absolutely no intention of walking down any sort of aisle or parading this sham of a marriage beyond the next few months.
But before I could reply, Calvin turned to leave. “Caitlyn, I’ll help you get a car downstairs if you want.”
Caitlyn looked mildly irritated at our conversation being interrupted, but nodded and stood up with him, pulling her purse over her shoulder.
“Call me, N,” she said. “Let’s get lunch soon. Or any time you just want to talk.”
I nodded and took up my wineglass, grateful more than anything else to be left alone again. “Thank you.”
“Don’t bother with her when she’s in a mood,” Calvin grumbled.
He didn’t return until early the next morning, shuffling past the dining room to pass out in his suite just as I was sitting down to a light breakfast after my morning run. I didn’t ask where he had been. Because I didn’t particularly care, but also because I was fairly certain I already knew.
Some things were better left alone.
What was the phrase?
Plausible deniability.
But lastly, I was too consumed with the other thoughts running around my mind. Waiting up to see if my jailer would pay me a visit, I didn’t fall asleep until nearly three in the morning. As I waited, I stared at the crown molding of my ceiling, all the conversations I’d had that day running through my mind.
I’d give you the world if I could.
I’ve made my choices just like you have.
I want more.
I was struck suddenly by how true it really was. Since January, I had thought “more” meant Matthew, but as it became clear that relationship was doomed from the start, I couldn’t help thinking about other options.
What would my life be, if not ensconced in this ivory tower?
What else lay for me outside of being a mother, a wife, a vapid socialite?