knew she was married. But that was all I knew at that point, I swear.”
Greg only nodded and gestured for me to continue.
So I told him the rest. About how we had finally planned to be together. About how the night of John Carson’s death, things were about to turn around. Until I learned about her husband’s part in all of it, and how that had led to months of trying and failing to keep our relationship separate from the case. For her sake. For mine.
I had failed on both counts.
“So,” I said at the end. “There it is.” I pushed the paper toward him again. “Please accept my letter of resignation,” I requested formally.
I had never wanted anything less.
Greg scowled at the paper, rubbed his knuckles into one palm, then switched and did the other, like a boxer getting ready to train.
“No,” he said at last.
I balked. “No?”
His mouth spread down and out, a silent expressive rebuttal. “Nah, no. I don’t think so.”
I frowned. “Greg, did you hear everything I just said? I was involved with the defendant’s wife.”
“So recuse yourself from the case,” he argued back. “Don’t cost me one of the best prosecutors I have. You have more convictions than anyone else on my team, Zola. Two more years, you could end up department chief.”
“Convictions aren’t everything,” I replied. “Some might say that just makes me a dirty cop.”
“Yeah, well, yours are also fairer than everyone else’s,” he said grimly. “You and Derek make a good team. You always have.”
I sighed. “Greg, I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I was in love with her. And because she royally fucked me over, I think it’s pretty clear I can’t do this with a clear head. If I ever could. My judgment is compromised, probably always was. We’re going to lose on that alone.”
Again, the nonchalant shrug that was starting to become really fuckin’ infuriating. “Again, so you recuse yourself. This case hasn’t gone to trial, Zola. Did you lie about how any of your evidence was obtained?”
I swallowed and shook my head. “No, but—”
“Did you depose her? Were you planning to call her to the stand during the trial?”
“Well, no, because we assumed they would claim spousal privilege, so—”
“And was your pursuit of justice in any way corrupted, for better or for worse, because of her relationship with Calvin Gardner?”
At that, I remained silent. I wanted to say no. I wanted to say that my dogged pursuit of Calvin Gardner over the past several months had been purely because he was a rotten fuckin’ guy who deserved to have the book thrown at him for the things he had done.
But that would have been a lie.
Greg tapped his fingers on the desk like he was tapping out numbers. “Look. It’s not good, I’ll grant you that. But, Zola, you didn’t break any laws here. Sure, you crossed some ethical boundaries, but from what you said, it doesn’t sound like Nina Gardner was manipulating you in any way to benefit her husband, considering she probably hates the motherfucker more than anyone. Extortion. Kidnapping. Fuck, his behavior at the beginning of their relationship sounds a lot like grooming to me.”
I ground my teeth at the word “grooming,” then willed myself with everything I had not to run out of the room and chase Calvin Gardner with a baseball bat.
I blinked. No, sympathy for her was not what was needed now. “She’s still implicated in the crimes.”
“Do you know that for sure?”
My hands gripped the edges of the chair. “She all but said it. We have the video confirmation. But I can’t prosecute this anymore. I probably never should have.”
“So, you won’t.” He wrote something down on a legal pad. “I’m taking it on personally, given the sensitivity of the case. I’ll need all the files immediately, and meanwhile, someone from IT will erase the remainders from your hard drive. But we’ll get that conviction, Zola. And we’ll help the Newark ADA get hers too.”
I wanted to bury my head in my hands. “Anyone who takes it should probably call me to the stand too.”
Greg shrugged, unconvinced. “I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. You didn’t actually witness anything, so technically, your statements would all be hearsay. Do I think you should have kept your pecker to yourself? Yeah. Do I think you should have given this to me the second you realized who she was? Definitely. But given the circumstances around the Carson case, I also