“I just don’t think what he’s doing can be proper ABA,” Tim complained later, when Julian had gone.
“It’s modern ABA. Same principles, but it’s moved on since Lovaas’s day,” you said confidently. Julian had been explaining this to you, in between sessions.
“But it hasn’t, has it? Moved on. Not in terms of results. It’s moved backward. No one’s been able to match Lovaas’s original success.”
“Lovaas’s therapists shouted and used electric shocks.”
“That’s what’s worrying me. What if those methods were actually integral to the results? You can’t just take one whole vector out of a study and assume it’ll work the same.”
“But we can see it’s working. Besides, Danny adores Julian.”
On reflection, you realized later, that may not have been the smartest thing you could have said.
* * *
—
You assumed it was Julian’s relationship with Danny that Tim was jealous of. It took you a while to work out that, actually, it was Julian’s relationship with you.
“You three seemed to be having a great time,” Tim said one day after he came home and found you in mid-session. You’d been lying on the floor, taking turns to hold Danny above you at arm’s length. Every time Danny made eye contact he got bounced off your tummy.
“We were, yes.”
“Remind me—did we do background checks on this guy?”
“On Julian?” you said, bemused. “Of course. He showed me his child protection certificates himself.”
“Well, at least Danny’s safe.”
Something about the way he said it made you turn to look at him. “What do you mean by that?”
Tim shrugged. “Just the way he looks at you, that’s all.”
“You’re imagining things,” you said firmly.
* * *
—
One day Julian suggested a trip to the ocean.
“As a break from therapy?”
“As motivation for therapy. You say Danny loves waves. Let’s make waves today’s reinforcer.”
So the three of you drove out to the beach. You and Julian walked Danny down to the water. When a wave came, Danny had to say, “Jump,” and then together you’d pull him, squealing with pleasure, into the air, just before the wave crashed over his tummy. Or you’d crouch down and he’d have to look you in the eye, and you’d reward him by scattering a handful of glittering seawater in front of his gaze.
It worked, too. He loved those games so much, he tried extra hard.
Back at the beach house, you were euphoric. “That was the best session so far! This is working!”
Excited, you hugged Julian. And that’s when he kissed you.
Just for a moment, you kissed him back. Of course you did. You’d been lonely for so long. But just as quickly, you came to your senses.
“I love you, Abbie,” Julian said urgently as you pulled away. “I want to be with you.”
“Don’t be crazy,” you said slowly. “I’m married.”
“People can’t help who they fall in love with. I didn’t choose this. Abbie, I love you.”
But it was you who truly had no choice, although it took you a while to see it. If you had an affair, Tim would find out; and anyway, you weren’t the sort to do something like that behind your husband’s back. You couldn’t go on working with Julian, not now. Even if he could pretend this hadn’t happened—which you doubted—you couldn’t.
There were other therapists, you reminded yourself, but you only had one marriage. So after a sleepless night, you told Julian he had to go.
You felt furious with him, actually. By what sense of entitlement did men think their romantic needs trumped their professional obligations? Why couldn’t he simply have kept his mouth shut? What was so terrible about unrequited love that men just had to blab about it?
You told Tim that Julian had gone abroad. And you set about finding a replacement.
But it turned out Julian had been unique, after all. None of the other therapists you tried bonded with Danny the same way, or made therapy such fun. You ended up with a nice Romanian woman called Magda who was extremely competent and emphasized the data-collection side of things, which Tim liked.
You did suggest going to the beach, once, but she looked at you as if you were mad. “Time is precious,” she said. “Danny needs us to focus.”
The episode with Julian had one good outcome, though: It made you realize your marriage was drifting toward the point of no return. You told Tim you thought the two of you could benefit from some couples therapy.
“Why? We’re fine, aren’t we?” he demanded, puzzled.