house by the ocean. I’d never felt so liberated in my life.
He kissed me again and reached under my shirt. I quickly moved his hand away, but he tried again. This time I stepped back and regarded him with suspicion. No way was I letting him go any further than kissing me. He smiled and mumbled something incoherent before stumbling toward the front door. He left me standing alone in this large, empty home. I looked around. Bottles and cans lay everywhere. The entire dining-room table was covered with cups and uneaten food. Where had Willow gone?
I called out her name and heard only the echo of my voice inside the cavernous mansion. For some reason, it now lost its allure. It felt like one of those homes in a horror movie. Where were Willow’s parents? Asleep upstairs? I didn’t want to wake anyone. The ocean lay dark and hidden just outside. Where would I sleep? I climbed those futuristic stairs, with their razor-gray slate steps protruding magically out of the wall. Without a railing, they appeared to have no structural supports. I climbed them carefully, afraid that in my drunken state I might topple over the edge and kill myself. Once upstairs, I tiptoed along the wall until I came to the first bedroom. I opened the door and saw Julian passed out on the bed, dressed only in a muscle T-shirt and cherry-red boxers. After closing the door, I went around to the other rooms, until I heard muffled sobs coming from behind a door. I opened it. Darkness enveloped every corner of the room. Despite the fact that the floor was spinning beneath me, I ventured inside the room.
“Who is it? What do you want?” I heard my friend say.
“It’s me, Willow. What’s wrong?” I whispered. This was a side of Willow I’d never experienced. I didn’t think of her as vulnerable and sensitive.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, slurring.
“But I’m your best friend.”
“How’s that supposed to help me?”
“Did Julian hurt you? I saw him walk upstairs around the same time as you.”
“Go away. This has nothing to do with you. Or Julian.”
“We should tell the police.”
“Shut up, Katie!” she yelled, startling me. “I said I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, I’m just as much to blame.”
I sat on the bed, confused and not knowing what to do. In the dark, I could see blood trickling from her nose. What had happened to her? And what had I done? Willow had always seemed strong and assertive, but now I felt as if I was sitting with a very sad and drunk little girl. It made me angry that Julian had taken advantage of her in her condition. I thought back to that boy reaching under my shirt and was now glad that I’d turned him down.
“Just leave me alone, Katie.”
“Okay,” I said, standing up. “I’ll go lie down in the other room.”
“No.” She reached out and grabbed my arm. “Would you stay with me?”
“Where will I sleep?”
“Right here. Next to me. Please.”
“Okay.” I lay down next to her and let her cling to me, as if we were tandem parachuters.
“I’m so sorry for being mean to you, Katie.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s totally not okay. You’re really a good friend to me. My best friend forever.”
“You’re my best friend, too.”
“You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t. I just need you to be my friend right now. That’s all.”
But was I really her friend?
* * *
I sit up on the couch, bathed in sweat. This new memory frightens me. It’s shocking to discover that Julian attacked Willow that night and now she has gone missing. Had she told someone what he did? Had he retaliated against her in a drug-fueled rage? Maybe she rebuffed his advances? I had heard whispers about Julian having a temper. Supposedly, it’s the reason why he got kicked out of prep school. Remembering the craziness of that night frightens me. I think about what might happen if Drew gets wind of what I did. Or, God forbid, my mother finds out. Then it hits me: What other bad things will I remember?
That boy had asked me if I could get a drug called X. I’d never heard of such a thing, but I had heard the names of plenty of people in town who would know, thanks to my dad. Had I agreed to go along with this plan? If so, how had I done it? Who