to class without his signature plaid scarf entwined around his neck. He’d written three novels, none of which she’d ever heard of, but supposedly, they’d received great critical praise. She tried reading his dense, difficult prose, but when she couldn’t understand it, she felt stupid. During office hours, he smiled with delight when she praised his work and asked what she thought was a series of interesting questions. He explained that there was no clear meaning to his prose and that readers were free to come to their own conclusions. Bullshit meters went off in her head after he lectured her about his work, but she pushed them back down, chalking it up to her lack of sophistication.
But then, when she seemed happiest, he would criticize one of her essays in front of the class, often in a cold and callous manner. Later he would apologize during office hours, telling her that he was only trying not to show favoritism. He was good, because the more he criticized her, the harder she worked to win his approval.
This went on until the end of her freshman year. His behavior confused and inspired her, as irritating and humiliating as it seemed to be. Yes, she was attracted to him, and it was an attraction unlike anything she’d experienced with the boys she’d fallen for in the past. He was sophisticated and had flair. But she never thought to follow through on her feelings for him; she really didn’t think an esteemed professor like him would want anything to do with a dumb girl from the sticks of Maine.
He convinced her to stay the summer instead of returning home. He got her a job in the English Department, filing and doing data input. Oddly, he chose instead to travel throughout Europe that summer and do research for his new novel. But he emailed her every few days, telling her how much he looked forward to seeing her in his class come fall. She remembered how the tone of their exchanges changed that summer, despite the fact that they barely saw each other. It thrilled her to see him when school started up in September, although it also made her slightly uncomfortable.
He encouraged her to take his Advanced Fiction seminar and looked magnificent when he showed up to that first class. Five other students sat around the conference table, all of them seniors, and it was obvious she was way out of her league. Besides, her major was theater arts, not creative writing. Tanned and relaxed, the professor smiled warmly at her when she took a seat across from him.
He asked her out for coffee afterward, and she felt thrilled by the invitation. They ate fancy French pastries, sipped espressos, and she mostly listened to him talk about his adventures in Europe. He lived nearby and wanted to show her some of the things he’d purchased while traveling. She thought it a bit odd at the time, but the way he looked at her made her feel like the most important girl in the world.
Back at his apartment, he gave her a gift, a brown leather jacket purchased in Florence. She protested, claiming that the jacket was way too expensive and that she could not possibly accept such a beautiful gift. But he insisted. Then he asked if she’d try it on for him. He spun her around so that she faced the mirror hanging on his closet door. She had to admit that the jacket looked amazing on her. Suddenly she felt his arms wrapping around her waist.
Isla snapped out of the memory and returned to reality. Why had she just been thinking about that pretentious jerk? She stood and walked over to the desk. Turned on the laptop and punched in Katie’s password. She had put it to memory one night when she had to borrow Katie’s laptop to print out some emergency medical instructions for Raisin. Thankfully, Katie had never thought to reset it.
Whether this would help her or not, she didn’t know. She clicked on an icon, and photographs filled the screen. She started at the beginning of last year and began scrolling through them. Many of the photographs consisted of Katie and Drew, and Katie and Raisin. But then the nearer to the present she scrolled, the more photos she saw of Katie and Willow. At theater practice. The two of them posing after rehearsal, their legs kicked out like those of the Rockettes. The two of them relaxing