to be self-sufficient and happy. No way I wanted to be dependent on a pathetic man like my father. And a useless and unreliable man at that.
I promised myself that I would finally confront my father about his “seaweed business.” To tell him that I knew it was a cover for selling drugs to all the rich kids in town, using Bugger Walsh as the go-between. That was how I was able to buy those drugs in the first place, with Dakota promising me full acceptance into that high society if I came through for him. I’d become a drug seller and user. For that reason, I promised myself I would no longer be a daddy’s girl and allow my father to skate by on his good looks and charm. He needed to be held accountable for the way he treated us, especially my mother.
At the time, I had no idea how much time passed in that hunting camp in the woods. Later, it was explained to me that I’d gone missing for two whole days. I remember listening to my stomach growl. Then an overwhelming thirst came over me. My mouth felt dry and parched; my tongue, crusted over like burnt toast. I forced myself to sit up on that mattress and allow the pain and nausea to pass. I knew I would die if I stayed there any longer. Then, mustering all my energy, I staggered out of that dump and wandered until I stumbled onto a road. A car pulled over. A woman who knew my father got out and helped me. She called my father, then an ambulance, and I ended up in the hospital with that traumatic head injury.
My nightmare was finally over.
But my new nightmare had just begun.
* * *
The next day brings more of the same. Smiles, hugs, and kisses. Cookies and cakes. A doctor comes in and says how lucky I am to be alive. He announces that both Raisin and I can go home that afternoon but that he needs to talk to me before I leave.
My father leans over the bed and hugs me. I can practically smell the booze on his breath.
“I know about your seaweed business,” I whisper in his ear.
He freezes, his whiskered cheek pressing up against mine.
“Do you really have to sell drugs?”
“I did it only to help your mom pay all those bills.”
I don’t know why I’m so mad, considering that I too am guilty of helping spread drugs in Shepherd’s Bay.
“I swear to you, Katie, it was only temporary. I’m all done with that now.”
“Because of what happened to your kids? Is that what it took?”
“I swear I’ll make it up to you.”
“How about making it up to Mom instead? Your loving wife, remember?”
I decide not to sound off about everything. About his drinking and pot smoking. His graphic paintings. About how I know he’s been cheating on Mom all these years. I don’t say it, because I know he’ll never change. He’s Ray “Swisher” Eaves.
Instead, I reach up and hug my father. Tears drip down my cheeks as his familiar scent fills my nostrils. I squeeze him as hard as I can because I love him, and because I’m very thankful he’s here with me, and that he is not a monster like Willow’s father. Despite all his faults, I realize that I need him in my life, and maybe always will.
I really don’t want to go home and deal with all the sickness, poverty, and deceit that will once again engulf this family. But I will. Despite everything that’s happened, I love them. My senior year is coming, and I’ve promised to make the most of it. To spend quality time with my mom and hang out with Raisin. To be as good a friend and a student as I can possibly be. And to try not to let Scout’s constant withering scrutiny bring me down.
That’s all I want before I leave town and head off to college. I don’t think that’s asking too much.
* * *
“Katie, can I speak to you for a minute?” the doctor says, closing the door behind him.
“Sure,” I say as I’m gathering up my things. “What’s up?”
“Please, sit down.”
I sit on the bed and watch as he pulls up a chair and plops down.
“How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Okay, except for my shoulder.”
“I’m afraid I have something to tell you.”
Do I have cancer? Or some other serious disease? His tone scares me, and I tense up.