previous night, still feeling slightly dazed as I’d stumbled out of my taxi – is this real? Danny’s alive, and I’m free? – I’d suddenly realized I was starving, and other than during the few hours when I’d succumbed to a deep, dreamless sleep, I hadn’t stopped eating since.
‘Making up for the past few weeks,’ Eva had said when I’d spoken to her on the phone earlier. ‘I’ve been worried about you, you’ve hardly been eating a thing.’
‘I am now,’ I mumbled, through the mouthful of Mars bar I was chewing. ‘I think I’ve put on half a stone since I got home.’
Clare and Tai had been round already earlier that morning, having heard about my arrest and subsequent release on the news. They’d arrived laden with bulging carrier bags, and told me they weren’t there to ask questions, just to make sure I was all right.
‘We didn’t think you’d have any food in, so we went shopping for you,’ said Tai, as she unpacked the bags on the kitchen table, and my heart swelled; my freedom dinner the previous night had been microwaved fish fingers and chips I’d found in the freezer, the fridge and cupboards virtually empty again. They were so kind, so thoughtful, these women I barely knew, I thought. Friends, proper friends, already, despite the short time we’d been hanging out together.
‘And we weren’t a hundred per cent sure what you’d want, but we knew you aren’t veggie or vegan or anything so we just bought a selection,’ added Clare. ‘Essentials, obviously, milk, bread, butter and so on. Some fruit and veg. Cheese, salami, bacon, chicken, smoked salmon. Wine, obviously. Chocolate. And some frozen bits and pieces too. Is it OK?’
‘OK? It’s amazing. You’re both amazing,’ I’d said, and hugged them both hard. They left after making me promise we’d all get together very soon for dinner, and then left me to start working my way through my newly stocked cupboards.
It still seemed surreal to be sitting there, safe on my own sofa, knowing that all the accusations and suspicion that had been swirling around me for weeks had now vanished. The police hadn’t told me much when they’d released me, saying simply that Danny had been found alive and well and had explained his disappearance to them. But when I’d tried to ask for more details, the officer who’d been dispatched to explain to me why I was being allowed to go home had been vague, refusing to tell me where Danny was or whether anyone would be facing any charges in relation to his disappearance.
‘Just rest assured that we are no longer considering any criminal charges against you, Mrs O’Connor,’ he had said.
I still had so many questions – why Danny had felt the need to vanish in the first place, where the blood in the bedroom had come from, why he had behaved so oddly in the run-up to his departure, what was he going to do now? And the little matter of the dating app, of course. But it seemed I’d have to wait for the answers. Eva too was bursting with curiosity.
‘We need to find out what happened, this is crazy!’ she said. ‘Surely Danny will get in touch with you now, to explain, now that he knows you know he’s alive? I know they have to respect his privacy but if only they’d given you some idea of where he was, we might be able to track him down. I mean, we don’t even know if he’s still in the UK, do we? And is he in custody, or not? I’m sure he must be facing charges of some sort.’
‘No idea,’ I said, and broke another chunk off my chocolate bar.
‘And yes, I’m desperate to know exactly what went on too, and what his plans are now. I can only assume they don’t include me, which is still heartbreaking. But for some reason right now I feel sort of OK, you know? Mildly euphoric even. It’s kind of weird – I mean, my husband’s still left me, and is quite possibly seeing someone else, and everything we ever had together has most likely been a lie, and all of that is totally shit, and I should be a sobbing wreck. But … I don’t know, it’s the relief I think. It’s just been so horrible, not knowing whether he’s alive or dead, and then having the police think that I might have had something to do with it all. And