and chattered in Dolphinese: “What’s up, P-man? Why the face?”
“Oh, it’s Amphitrite.” Poseidon heaved a sigh. “I love her, but she ran away!”
“Huh.” Delphin thought that was a pretty stupid reason to mope around. “You do realize there are forty-nine other Nereids, right?”
“I don’t care!” Poseidon sobbed. “I want Amphitrite!”
“Yeah, well, that’s a bummer,” Delphin said. “Look, your moaning and groaning is messing up everybody’s sonar. Just this morning two blue whales got in a head-on collision and backed up the Aegean morning commute for miles. So how about I find this lady Amphitrite and convince her to marry you?”
Poseidon’s tears dried immediately, which was impressive since he was underwater. “You could do that for me?”
“I’m a dolphin,” Delphin chattered. “I have a huge brain. Back soon.”
It took Delphin a while, but he finally located Amphitrite at the western edge of the Mediterranean, near where the Titan Atlas held up the sky.
Amphitrite sat on a coral ledge, watching the sunset filter through the deep water and make rosy streaks in the seaweed forests. A seabass lay in her open palm, all blissed out, because Amphitrite really had a way with fish. Normally I don’t think of sea bass as cuddly, but they loved her.
Delphin could see why Poseidon liked her. She radiated a sort of kindness and gentleness that you don’t see in a lot of immortals. Usually with gods, the longer they lived, the more they acted like spoiled children. Delphin wasn’t sure why, but that whole thing about getting wiser as you got older? Not so much.
Delphin floated up to Amphitrite. “Hey, what’s up?”
Amphitrite didn’t try to flee. She had never felt threatened by Delphin, maybe because of his dolphin smile.
“Oh, Poseidon keeps bothering me.” Amphitrite sighed. “He wants me to marry him.”
The seabass swam in a lazy circle around Amphitrite’s hand, then settled back into her palm. Delphin had to resist the urge to snap up the fish. Seabass were tasty.
“Poseidon’s not a bad guy,” Delphin offered. “You could do a lot worse.”
“But I don’t want to get married to anyone!” Amphitrite protested. “It’s too much trouble, and it’s scary. I’ve heard stories about the gods, the way they treat their wives….”
“Most of the gods are jerks,” Delphin agreed. “And they have a lot of girlfriends even after they get married—”
“Gah!” Amphitrite said. “I wouldn’t care about that. I’m not the jealous type. I just don’t want to be mistreated. I want to be my own person, do my own thing, without some man lording over me!”
“Oh, is that all?” Delphin chittered with relief. “Because Poseidon is easygoing. I can’t guarantee he’d be faithful to you forever, but he would totally treat you well and let you do whatever you wanted. I can talk to him, make him promise. If he breaks his word, he’ll have to deal with Mr. Dolphin.”
Delphin flexed his flippers, which he thought made him look intimidating.
“You would do that for me?” Amphitrite asked.
“Sure!” Delphin said. “And the best thing: if you married Poseidon, none of the other gods could flirt with you or pester you anymore. They’d have to leave you alone, because Poseidon is so powerful. You could have kids, too. Kids are awesome. Even better than seabass.”
“Really?” Amphitrite studied the seabass flopping around in her hand, as if she had trouble believing anything could be better than that. “Well…I suppose if you talked to Poseidon first, and he promised…”
“Trust me,” Delphin said. “The dolphin god’s got your back!”
So Delphin returned to Poseidon and explained the deal. Poseidon was overjoyed. He agreed immediately. His marriage to Amphitrite was the biggest party ever held under the ocean. Gods, sea monsters, all forty-nine of Amphitrite’s Nereid sisters…everybody was on the guest list. Whales swam overhead, spitting glowing clouds of krill that spelled out, CONGRATULATIONS, POSEIDON + AMPHITRITE, which was no easy task since whales can’t spell very well. The dolphins put on an acrobatics show. The jellyfish glowed above the palace courtyards as the sea nymphs and merpeople danced the night away.
Poseidon and Amphitrite made a good couple. They were happy together and had three godly children. The first was Triton, who looked like a merman but had two fish tails instead of one. He served as Poseidon’s herald. Whenever Poseidon was on the move, Triton swam in front, blowing his conch horn to clear the way, like The boss is coming! Everybody look busy!
Poseidon and Amphitrite’s second kid was Rhode, a sea nymph who became the patron goddess of the island Rhodes
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