Percy Jackson's Greek Gods (Percy Jackson and the Olympians companion #5.5) - Rick Riordan Page 0,51

crashed the party in Elysium. And some really dumb but noble spirits bound for Elysium took a wrong turn, ended up in Punishment, and either couldn’t get out or were too nice to complain about it.

To make matter worse, even the spirits who went where they were supposed to go didn’t always deserve to be there, because before Hades took over, you were judged for the afterlife while you were still alive.

How did that system work? I have no idea. Apparently a panel of three living judges interviewed you right before you died and decided if you deserved the Fields of Punishment, Elysium, or Asphodel. Don’t ask me how the judges knew you were about to die. Maybe they guessed. Maybe the gods told them. Maybe the judges just yelled at random people, “Hey, you! Get over here! It’s your turn to croak!”

Anyway, the judges listened to your testimony and decided your eternal fate. Guess what happened. People lied. They bribed the judges. They showed up in their best clothes, smiled and flattered and acted nice so the judges would think they were nice. They brought in witnesses to say, “Oh, yeah. This guy lived a totally awesome life. He hardly ever tortured anybody.” Stuff like that.

A lot of evil people managed to charm their way into Elysium, and a lot of good people who didn’t kiss up to the judges landed in the Fields of Punishment.

You get the idea…the Underworld was a mess. When Hades took over, he looked around and said, “Nuh-uh! This ain’t gonna work!”

So he went to Olympus and explained the situation to Zeus. Having to get Zeus’s approval for what he planned to do kind of rankled Hades, but he knew he’d need to get the Big Guy’s thumbs-up for any major changes to the afterlife, especially since humans were involved. The gods considered humans shared property.

Zeus listened and frowned thoughtfully. “So what do you propose?”

“Well,” Hades said, “we could keep the panel of three judges, but—”

“The audience could vote!” Zeus guessed. “At the end of each season, the winning mortal could be crowned Elysian Idol!”

“Uh, no,” Hades said. “Actually, I was thinking the judges could be spirits of the dead rather than living people. And each mortal soul would only be judged once it enters the Underworld.”

“So…not a competition format? Hmm, too bad.”

Hades tried to keep his cool. “See, if the judges are spirits under my control, they’ll be impossible to influence. The souls who come before the court will be stripped of everything but their essence. They can’t rely on good looks or fancy clothes. They can’t bribe the judges or call character witnesses. All their good and bad deeds will be laid bare, because the judges can literally see right through them. Lying will be impossible.”

“I like it,” Zeus said. “Who will you pick for judges?”

“Probably three deceased mortals who were kings in the upper world,” Hades said. “Kings are used to passing judgment.”

“Good,” Zeus agreed. “As long as the kings are all my sons. Agreed?”

Hades gritted his teeth. He didn’t like his brother getting involved in everything, but since almost every Greek king was a son of Zeus, there would still be plenty of kings to choose from. “Agreed.”

Zeus nodded. “How will you make sure the judgments are enforced, and the souls go where they’re supposed to?”

Hades smiled coldly. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got that covered.”

When he got back to Erebos, Hades appointed three former kings, all demigod sons of Zeus, as his dead-celebrity judges: Minos, Aiakos, and Rhadamanthys.

Then he rounded up the three Furies—those spirits of vengeance who had been formed from the blood of Ouranos ages before. Hades hired them to be his enforcers, which was a good call, since nobody wanted to cross a demonic grandmother with bad breath and a whip.

Like most daimons, the Furies could take different shapes, but usually they appeared as ugly old ladies with long stringy hair, black tattered robes, and giant bat wings. Their fiery whips could cause excruciating pain to the living or the dead, and they could fly invisibly, so you never knew when they would swoop down on you.

Hades used them to keep the dead in line. Sometimes he let the Furies go nuts and design new tortures for the worst of the doomed souls. He could even send the Furies after living people if they committed a truly horrific crime—like killing a family member, desecrating a temple, or singing Journey songs on karaoke night.

Hades’s next Underworld improvement: he