Percy Jackson's Greek Gods (Percy Jackson and the Olympians companion #5.5) - Rick Riordan Page 0,14

first.

Rhea escorted her son into the royal hall, where Old King Cannibal was snoozing on his throne. The years had not been kind to Kronos, which was ironic, since he was the lord of time. He hadn’t aged, exactly, but he seemed tired and listless. Making mortal life forms wither and die no longer amused him. Stepping on humans didn’t make him laugh like it used to, despite their cute little shrieks.

He’d put on weight from eating and drinking so much. The five gods in his stomach didn’t help. They’d gotten bigger and heavier over the years. They were constantly trying to break out by climbing up Kronos’s throat. Their attempts were unsuccessful, but they gave Kronos terrible acid reflux.

Rhea approached the throne. “My lord, I have someone for you to meet!”

Kronos snorted and opened his eyes. “I wasn’t asleep!” He blinked at the handsome young Titan who stood before him. “Who…?”

The young immortal bowed low. “I am Zeus, my lord.” Zeus had decided to use his real name, because—why not? Kronos had never heard it. “I would like to be your cupbearer.”

Kronos studied the newcomer’s face. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar—the sparkle in his eyes, the crooked way he smiled. Of course all the Titans were related. Maybe that was it. Kronos had so many nieces and nephews these days, he couldn’t keep track of them all. Still, he found this young one unsettling….

He looked around, trying to remember exactly who had introduced the boy, but Rhea had already faded into the shadows. Kronos’s stomach was too full and his thoughts were too sluggish for him to stay suspicious for very long.

“Well,” he said to the boy, “do you have any experience bearing cups?”

Zeus grinned. “No, my lord. But I’m a quick learner. I can also sing, dance, and tell satyr jokes.”

Zeus burst into a song the nymphs had taught him. Then he demonstrated some Kouretes dance moves. It was the most interesting thing that had happened on Mount Othrys in a long time. Other Titans gathered in the throne room to watch. Soon they were cheering and laughing. Even Kronos had a smile on his face.

“You’re hired,” Kronos said. “In fact, I’m thirsty.”

“One cup, coming up!” Zeus hustled off to find the kitchen, where he filled a golden chalice with ice-cold nectar.

In no time, Zeus became the most popular servant in the palace. He bore cups like nobody’s business. His singing was as clear as the streams on Mount Ida. His satyr jokes were so edgy, I can’t tell them in a family-friendly book.

He always knew exactly what Kronos would like to drink—hot spiced nectar, cold nectar with a twist of lemon, nectar spritzer with a little cranberry juice. He also introduced the Titans to drinking contests, which were very popular with the satyrs back on Mount Ida. Everybody at the table started chugging at the same time. The fastest drinker won. What did he win? Well, nothing—but it was a great way to show off, because nothing looks more manly (or Titanly) than having nectar dribbling down your chin and all over your shirt.

These contests rekindled some of Kronos’s competitive spirit. Sure, he was king of the universe, but he was still the youngest of twelve kids. He couldn’t allow his brothers or nephews to be better than him at anything. Despite his constantly full stomach, he got to the point where he could chug a full goblet of nectar in three seconds, and Titan goblets are the size of water cooler jugs.

He trusted Zeus to fill his glass with whatever would go down the smoothest.

Which was exactly Zeus’s plan.

One night when Kronos was dining with his favorite lieutenants, Zeus mixed some special brews for the drinking contest. The nymphs back on Mount Ida had taught him a lot about herbs and stuff. He knew which plants could make you drowsy, which ones could make you dizzy, and which could make you feel so terrible, your stomach would want to exit your body.

For the king’s guests, Zeus mixed some sleepy-time extra-dizzy nighty-night nectar. For Kronos, he mixed a special blend of nectar and mustard. Some versions of the story will say Zeus used wine, but that can’t be right, because wine hadn’t been invented yet. We’ll get to that later.

Anyway, the stuff in Kronos’s goblet was über-nasty. Zeus set it aside and waited for the right moment.

Dinner started out as usual, with lots of drinking, eating, and catching up on the Titan news of the day.