Percy Jackson's Greek Gods (Percy Jackson and the Olympians companion #5.5) - Rick Riordan Page 0,126

day I’ve had!” he told the giant. He pulled out a jug of water. “Join me, my friend, and I’ll tell you all about it! Happy to share this ice-cold water with you!”

Argus was really thirsty. He’d been standing in the blazing sun all day, watching this stupid cow, as Hera had commanded. But the cow was boring.

Still, he was on duty. He shook his head, which was all he could do. He didn’t like to talk, because it would reveal the eyes inside his mouth and all over his tongue.

Hermes started chatting. He was the god of travel, so he knew a bunch of good stories. He’d heard jokes from all over the world. And messengers had to be good at speaking, so Hermes knew how to entertain. He regaled Argus with the latest gossip about the gods.

“I heard this one god Hermes stole Apollo’s cattle!” Hermes said with a grin. Then he proceeded to tell the story as if it had happened to somebody else.

Meanwhile, the caduceus kept pulsing with magic, filling the air with a heavy layer of drowsiness, like a comfortable blanket.

After half an hour, Argus dropped his club. He sat next to Hermes and accepted some water.

Hermes kept joking with him, telling him stories, until Argus felt like they were old friends.

SLEEP, said the caduceus.

After another hour, Argus’s eyes began to get heavy. He knew he was supposed to be on duty, but he couldn’t remember why. His imagination was drifting through the wonderful stories that Hermes told.

Finally Hermes started singing a lullaby. “This is one my mother sang for me when I was just a baby.” He sang the same song he’d heard in his cradle the night he was born, about Artemis’s dogs and Poseidon’s horses and Apollo’s cows.

Argus’s head drooped once, twice—bam. All his eyes closed, and the giant began to snore.

Hermes kept singing. Very slowly he got to his feet and drew his sword. He crept behind Argus and chopped off the giant’s head.

“Nighty-night!” Hermes said cheerfully. (I take back what I said earlier. Hermes was a murderer.)

Hermes untied Io the cow and brought her back to Zeus.

Hera was enraged, but she couldn’t prove what had happened. Zeus was delighted. Hermes got a nice little bonus in his next paycheck. Poor Io…once Zeus was tired of dating her, Hera turned her into a cow permanently and sent a gadfly to sting her for the rest of her life, so Io had to be constantly on the move, roaming from country to country.

But, c’est la cow! At least Hermes got the satisfaction of a job well done.

DIONYSUS CONQUERS THE WORLD WITH A REFRESHING BEVERAGE

I SAVED THIS GUY FOR LAST, because he’s likely to turn me into a porpoise if I say anything bad about him. And honestly, I’m not sure I can say anything good.

Here goes nothing….

A while back I told you about this princess Semele who got vaporized while she was pregnant with Zeus’s kid? Anyway, Zeus had to rescue the premature baby by sewing him into his right thigh to keep him alive.

(Yeah, I know. Just another boring day in the life of a god.)

Several months later, the baby was getting big and uncomfortable in Zeus’s leg, so Zeus figured the kid was ready to be born. Zeus undid the stitches. Amazingly, the kid came out alive and healthy.

Zeus wrapped him in a blanket, but he didn’t know anything about raising babies, so he called in Hermes.

“Hey,” Zeus said, “take this baby down to the mortal world. I think Semele had a sister or something. Find her and ask her to raise this kid until he’s older.”

“Sure, boss.” Hermes took the baby and looked him over. “Is he a god or a demigod or what?”

“Not sure yet,” Zeus said. “We’ll have to wait and see. But I don’t want to be changing diapers in the meantime.”

“I hear you. What’s his name?”

The kid started screaming and yelling.

“For now,” Zeus decided, “let’s call him Bacchus.”

Hermes grinned. “The noisy one? Nice.”

“One more thing: Hera will be looking for him. She hasn’t been able to mess with the kid while he’s been stuck in my thigh, but she’ll notice that the big lump is gone now.”

“Yeah, that lump was kind of obvious.”

“Might be best if Bacchus’s aunt raises him like he’s a girl, just for a while. Maybe that will throw Hera off the scent.”

Hermes frowned. He didn’t see how raising the baby as a girl would help. Hera wasn’t so easily fooled,