Penniless And Secretly Pregnant - Jennie Lucas Page 0,56
“My desperation made me reckless.” Her lovely face was bewildered. “You asked me to marry you. You insisted on marriage. You said there was nothing you wanted more than to be Livvy’s father. What happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you’re never going to hold her, never going to look at me—why are we married? Why am I even here?”
It was clear. He had to let them go. If he didn’t, he’d only ending up hurting them so much more.
But how could he let them go, when they were everything?
Hurt them—or hurt himself. There was only one choice to make. But it hurt so much that Leonidas thought he might die. He looked around the hallway wildly, then gasped, “I need some fresh air—”
Turning, he rushed down the stone staircase and stumbled outside, desperate to breathe.
Outside the brownstone mansion, the tree-lined street was strangely quiet. The orange sun, setting to the west, left long shadows in the hot, humid August twilight. He stopped, leaning over, gasping for breath, trying to stop the frantic pounding of his heart.
Daisy came out of the house behind him, to stand in the fading light.
“I love you, Leonidas,” she said quietly.
His hands clenched. Finally, he turned to face her.
“You can’t.”
“The truth is, I’ve always loved you, from the moment we met at the diner, and I thought you were just Leo, a salesclerk in a shop.” Reaching up, she cupped his unshaven cheek. “I fell in love with you. And who you could be. And I only have one question for you.” She tilted her head. “Can you ever love me back?”
Trembling beneath the shady trees of summer twilight, Leonidas closed his stinging eyes. He felt like he was spinning out of control, coming undone. But his heart was empty. He’d learned long ago that begging for love only brought scorn. The only way to be safe was to pull back. To not care.
The only way to keep Daisy and Livvy safe from him, to make sure he never hurt or disappointed them, was to let them go.
He had to. No matter how much it killed him. He had to find the strength, for their sakes.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.
Then he opened them.
“No. I’m sorry.” He covered her hand gently with his own. “I thought I could do this but I can’t.”
“Do what?”
He looked down at her.
“Marriage,” he said quietly.
Her eyes widened, her face pale. He pushed her hand away.
“No,” she choked out. “We can go to counseling. We can—”
“You’re in love with some imaginary man, not me. I’m not wonderful. I’m not perfect. I’m a selfish, cold bastard.”
“No, you’re not, you’re not!”
“I am. Why can’t you admit it?” he said incredulously. “Whatever you say, I know you’ve never forgiven me for killing your father.”
“I have... I’ve tried.” Tears were streaming down her face. “Dad was innocent, but I know now you never meant to cause his death.”
“Stop.” He looked at her, feeling exhausted. “It’s time to face reality.”
“The reality is that I love you!”
“You’re forcing yourself to overlook my flaws. But I’ve known from the moment Livvy was born that you’d soon see the truth, as she did from the first time I held her.”
“Because she cried? That’s crazy! She’s a baby!”
“It’s not crazy. You both deserve better than me. And I’m tired of feeling it every day, tired of knowing I’m not good enough. I’m not this perfect man you want me to be. Seeing the cold accusation in your eyes—”
“What are you talking about?”
“Better to end it now, rather than...” Turning away, he said in a low voice, “You and the baby should go.”
“Go?” She gave a wild, humorless laugh. “Go where?”
“Anywhere you want. Your old dream of California.”
“You’re my dream! You!”
Every part of Leonidas’s body hurt. He felt like he was two hundred years old. Why was she fighting him so hard? Why—when everything he said was true? “Or if you want, you can keep this house.” He looked up at the place where they’d been so happy, the house with the ballroom where they’d quarreled and the garden where they’d played with the dog in the spring sunshine, where wild things grew in the middle of Manhattan. “I’ll go to a hotel.” He paused. “Forget what the prenup said. You can have half my fortune—half of everything. Whatever you want.”
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.
“But I want you.”
“Someday, you’ll thank me,” he said hoarsely. It was true. It had to be true. He looked one last time