door, wavering on a thin line of anger and absolutely nothing. The motions were all familiar where his response was brand new.
He helped her with her coat, said another round of goodbyes and thanks as people exited around them. He smiled—tried at least. Shook hands, accepted hugs—whatever it took to hold it together.
Jacqui waved goodbye at Colin and stepped into the darkness of early evening. He was one step behind her, unable to stop himself. He had her spun around, backed against the brick exterior wall before he thought about it.
Her lips parted in surprise, eyes going wide in the outside lights. He cupped her face, so many thoughts tearing through him to hammer at his brain, rip at his voice. “I know you’re running,” he finally ground out. Her eyes darkened, shifted, her breath coming faster. His heart raced to catch up, to stop her when it seemed impossible. “What I don’t know is why. Was it the words? Did I move too fast? Give too much? Ask too much? Because you don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to feel the same.”
Damn. Fucking damn it to hell. That was weak. No woman had ever made him this weak. He was practically begging her to love him, and fuck if he’d do that. He shoved away, dropping his hold with a blistering speed.
“No. I take that back.” He made an attempt to drill his intent into her with his eyes. “I do need that.” Clarity sank into him with that chilling truth. “I deserve that. I might not be that smart or graceful or, damn, a lot of things. But I deserve to be loved.” He did. And for the first time in possibly his entire life, he believed it. “So run. If that’s what you need to do. Go ahead. I won’t chase you.”
Screw what her brothers said. This wasn’t his doing and he sure as hell wasn’t going down with a sinking ship.
She blinked, her eyes shimmering in the light. “It’s not you—”
“Don’t!” he barked, hand raised as he took another step back. His muscles quivered down his arm, across his shoulder where he clung to his composure. Hold it together. “I know what that means and it’s rarely true.”
She reached for him, but he edged away. “Henrik.” The plea in her tone almost had him. Almost.
A car door slammed in the distance, voices drifting through the brisk air to remind him they weren’t alone, despite their seeming solitude.
He sucked in a cold gulp of air, held it until his lungs ached and released it slowly. She stood stoically before him now, that chin pointed up with that defiant edge he loved. Still so strong in the face of his anger.
His heart hit a glitch, a giant boulder it tried to stumble around and failed. No matter how pissed he was right then, he couldn’t walk away on those words. Not those.
“I do love you, Jacqui. More than I thought possible. More than I thought I was capable of. It was you who showed me how to love.” He reached out a tentative hand but jerked it back before he touched her. Her lips compressed, expression otherwise unchanging. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here for you.”
He left then. Had to. The door swung open but he didn’t remember pushing it. He closed it behind him, took in the room still buzzing with guests. Too many were standing around with coats on but avoiding his gaze.
Colin and Finn stepped into his line of sight, expressions of disappointment and understanding holding. So they’d kept the others away, but it hadn’t mattered. She was gone, and he was alone.
He didn’t owe them an explanation.
He stepped around them, entered the kitchen and proceeded to help with the cleanup. Another foreign action, but it kept him busy and if it got the people out of there faster, all the better.
Hold it together. He’d been doing that his whole fucking life. He could manage it for a few more hours.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jacqui stared unseeing through the glass front of the music store, thoughts circling in a loop of worry, guilt and uncertainty, the same holding pattern they’d been on for the last three days. She should be practicing for the school’s holiday performance or studying. Ha. Maybe she should be doing her job.
She didn’t move though. The store had been empty for the last hour. There weren’t a lot of people needing music supplies on the night before Thanksgiving. All of the