The Penalty Box (Vancouver Wolves Hockey #3) - Odette Stone Page 0,67
only supposed to last until the end of the season. Until your contract gets renewed.”
“That was our arrangement.”
She turned and stared at me. I could see emotions swirling in the depths of her gaze. “I like you.”
I solemnly looked back at her. “I like you too.”
“I’m scared.”
Her open admission to her fear about us felt like a sucker punch. I worked to keep my expression benign. “What are you scared about?”
Her nervous fingers plucked at the fabric of the quilt. “I thought this situation was going to be us living as roommates, but you act like a real husband would act.”
“I am your real husband.”
“But it makes me have these feelings. And I know that in a year, those feelings will be hard to let go of. I don’t want to get more attached.”
I studied her. “You’re afraid of getting hurt.”
She took a deep breath. “I’m certain I’m going to be hurt. I am trying to control just how hurt I am at the end of this.”
Her words felt like a hammer in my chest. “Charlie,” I breathed. “I will never hurt you.”
Her eyes dropped, hiding herself from me. “When we end, it will hurt.”
My life motto was to live life in the moment. I never thought past the next game, the next weekend or much of the future, especially in terms of my relationships. We were married now. So that was the space I lived in. I didn’t think about when we would have to move apart.
That Charlie was looking into the future, predicting our demise and doing what she could to protect herself, made me feel like a dick for not considering that. I tried to explain why this marriage had a shelf life, no matter how good it was between us. “I’m not the marrying kind of guy.”
Her breath hitched. “Is it because you can’t see yourself tied to just one woman? You need variety?”
I blinked at that question. That was the last reason I didn’t want to be married. “No. Why would you think that?”
She twisted the quilt in her fingers. “Because I think you’re used to dating a lot of different women and maybe you can’t see yourself ever committing to only one person.”
I suspected seeing Sabrina had something to do with this conversation. “If I found the right person, that wouldn’t be an issue. The issue is marriage.”
“Okay.”
Dammit, I was helping her argument. “I don’t want a family. Lots of women want kids. I never want to have kids.”
“You never told me why.”
There are so many fucking reasons. “I just don’t. It’s not in my DNA.”
She looked confused. “Okay.”
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy one year of marriage together.”
She gave me a sad smile. “I think we should be platonic. Otherwise, I will want more at the end of this. Exactly what you and Krista didn’t want me to want.”
She rolled over, giving me her back, effectively ending the conversation.
The question blurted out of me. “Do you want a family? Do you need kids?”
She rolled back and her eyes studied me. “I can take them or leave them.”
“What does that mean?”
She shrugged. “When I find a husband and a real marriage, then if he really wants kids, then I can see myself having kids. If he doesn’t, I’d be okay without having children. My heart isn’t set on being a mother.”
I clenched my teeth. The idea of her falling in love with another man, enough that she married him, made something ugly flow through my veins.
“You wouldn’t resent someone if they didn’t want kids?”
“No.”
I couldn’t promise her a future. It went against everything I believed in. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
Her chin trembled. “I’m sorry.”
I hated this. It felt like we were deliberately breaking something between us that promised to be so good. “Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.”
She rolled over on her side, giving me her back again. I wanted more than anything to pull her against me, to snuggle her into my body, to make us both feel better, but I didn’t touch her. Instead, I moved to my side of the bed.
Long after her breath evened out, indicating that she had fallen asleep, I lay staring at the ceiling. What the fuck was I doing? Could I see this relationship going past a year? I didn’t have any answers, which pissed me off. I felt like I was screwing something up, but I didn’t seem to know how to fix it. Not without facing the things I didn’t want to