The Peer and the Puppet (When Rivals Play #1) - B.B. Reid Page 0,104

suffered. The guilt, the pain it…it broke her.”

“Three miscarriages,” Ever echoed. I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. “Four isn’t really a name, is it?” His horrified whisper ate at my soul.

“Not to her.”

“But why did it matter if she named you?”

“Without a name, I don’t really exist. She thought dehumanizing me would make them finally go away.”

“Them?”

“The three she lost…she hears them. When it’s really bad, she sees them.”

“If this is true, why keep you? She could have given you up.”

My stomach turned.

How many times had I wished she had?

“Rosalyn was seventeen when she ran away from home on the back some biker’s hog, and eight years later, she returned knocked up and broken. My father had been the fourth man to impregnate her and the fourth to break her heart. Nana and Pop mistook her depression and delusions for a broken heart and hormones. They were lying to themselves, but if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have survived.”

“Do you hate them for it?”

“How can I? They must have fought so fiercely for me. By the time I was born she was a full-blown schizophrenic, and so I lived the first few months of my life nameless. Nana and Pop figured once she was better she’d want to name me herself. They were wrong. I imagine it wasn’t an easy battle but they eventually convinced her. Or so they thought.”

“Did they know why she choose your name? Did they know what it would do to you?”

I drew in a shaky breath. “They knew…but Rosalyn was a minefield and they were more afraid of setting her off.”

Ever swore but didn’t say more. We both knew it was a shitty way to grow up

“I once read a pamphlet that said with a strong, loving support system Schizophrenics can lead normal, fulfilling lives.” I laughed but it was an empty sound. “I bet whoever wrote it didn’t count on Rosalyn looking for it in all the wrong places or how deep her grief welled when they made those promises. Still…she got better.”

Ever moved closer, but sensing it was space giving me courage, he kept only enough distance so that he could touch me if he chose. “And then?”

“And then I said my first word, and she relapsed.” I didn’t need to tell him what I could have said to break her. “It depressed her so much she stopped taking her pills.”

I hugged myself to calm my trembling body.

“Rosalyn recovered, but she was even more afraid of me than before.” Taking a deep breath, I willed myself not to fall apart. I’d been too young to remember much of the beginning, but life with Rosalyn was like a bad record stuck on repeat. It was easy to fill in the blanks.

“My grandparents forbade me from calling her anything but her name, hoping it would keep her sane. They didn’t realize that I was only one of her triggers. A broken heart was the other.”

A harsh sound spilled from Ever. “So you she could stay away from but not men?” Ever’s anger wasn’t a surprise but I fully expected it to be me who disgusted him.

Anyone would sympathize with a mentally ill mother who rejected her daughter. They’d say she couldn’t help it. That it wasn’t her fault. Who could sympathize with a daughter who resented her mother anyway? Why should they when even I hated myself for how I felt?

“She was a hopeless romantic long before she was a Schizophrenic.”

“That’s no excuse.”

“No, but it’s reality, and I’ve lived with it and so should you.”

I had the sudden urge to wrap myself around something strong and never let go. Ever was standing only two feet away and I knew without a doubt he’d be my pillar, my anchor, if I needed. But I also knew that if I gave in, I’d never find the courage to speak of this again.

Seemingly giving in, he sighed and said, “Where are your grandparents?”

“Rosalyn spent the first ten years of my life in and out of the hospital. She’d relapsed countless times when my grandparents finally decided to file for custody.”

“So what happened?” Ever questioned when I fell silent for too long. “Where are they?”

I closed my eyes. “They died in a car crash before they could see it through.”

Ever sucked in a breath.

“Neither of us took their deaths well, but it wasn’t just the sudden loss that made it hard. It was because Rosalyn and I both knew we were now stuck with