The threatening panic attack faded as relief swamped me.
First time being broke had ever made me happy.
I might be a dead woman, but I was going to get to keep Adam for however long I had left.
THOUGH ADAM'S HAND WAS COURTEOUSLY UNDER MY arm as we walked across my field to the barbed-wire fence between our properties, there was a proprietary feeling to the charged air that always seemed to accompany him.
Mine, it said.
If it weren't for Marsilia, doubtless I'd have been grumpy about the possessiveness stuff.
As it was, I was unhappy because I couldn't just relax into the safety he represented ...
not without risking his getting hurt because of me.
Maybe I needed to leave, money or not.
My stomach was back in knots, and if I didn't bottle everything up, I was going to have that stupid panic attack, and not safely behind the sound of water and the closed bathroom door.
Right here where anyone could see.
Next to the poor beat-up Rabbit, with Adam's phone number painted on the roof.
For a good time call ...
He stopped.
"Mercy? What are you so angry about?" He would know.
Even I could smell it: anger and fear and ...
I had it all, and I had nothing.
It was too much.
I closed my eyes and felt my body shake helplessly and my throat close, refusing to let air through ...
Adam caught me as I fell and pulled me against him, in the shadow of the old car.
He was so warm, and I was so cold.
He put his nose against my neck.
I couldn't see him, lack of air left me with black dots impairing my vision.
I heard the growl shake Adam's chest, and his mouth closed on mine--and I sucked a deep breath though my nose.
I could breathe again, and the weight on my stomach lifted, and I was left shaking, with blood ...
no, snot running down my face.
Embarrassed beyond anything, I jerked free of Adam's hold-- knowing with humiliating certainty that he let me go.
I wiped my face with the bottom of my shirt.
And settled in the shelter of the Rabbit, my cheek against the cooling metal.
Weak.