He turns to me. "I can't seem to stop thinking about you. And when I think about you with that guy I…I don't like it. I don't give a shit if he's the nicest guy in the world. He's not right for you. He doesn't make you happy."
"How do you know he doesn't make me happy?"
"Because I know you. I see you every day. I know what makes you smile. I know what makes you laugh. I know what makes you angry. You think I'm only paying attention to the car when you spend all those hours in the garage with me but I'm really paying attention to you. And I know that when you're really excited about something, like when you talk about teaching someday, or even when I just bring you out a toaster pastry, your eyes get big, you start talking with your hands, and you get this huge smile on your face. You don't do any of that stuff when you talk about that guy."
"Tyler, I need to—"
"When I said that stuff about you trying to make me jealous, it was more about me than you."
"I don't understand."
He turns more so he's facing me. "You may not have been trying to make me jealous but you did. Seeing you with him, I was so damn jealous. I know I don't have a right to be. I keep telling you we can't be more than friends but that doesn't mean I don't feel like punching the guy for going out with the girl I—" He looks down.
"The girl you what?"
He looks up and our eyes meet. "The girl I wish was mine."
Chapter Fifteen
I'm stunned. Speechless. Did he just say what I thought he said? But I thought he didn't want that. I'm so confused.
He's staring at me, waiting for me to say something. But I have no words. So I grab his shirt, yank him toward me, and kiss him.
He kisses me back, so forcefully I'm pushed back against the swing. His arm is there and he wraps it around me, pulling me toward him. His other arm goes under my legs and next thing I know I'm sitting sideways on his lap. We're kissing fast and furious now, all the want and desire we've been holding back finally releasing.
"Faith," Tyler says, catching his breath. "Why are you doing this? What about that guy?"
"I told him I couldn't go out with him anymore. You were right. There was nothing there. When I was out with him, all I could think about was you."
He smiles. "Really?"
"Tyler, you know how I feel about you. You know I've wanted this. You just wouldn't let it happen."
"It's not because I didn't want to." He softly kisses my lips, then my cheek, then kisses his way down my neck. "You make me crazy, Faith. I can't stop thinking about you. Dreaming about you. Wanting you. I tell myself I can't have you but then I want you all the more."
I push him back. "Then why do you keep fighting it? Why can't we just be together?"
"Because I'm not sticking around. Whatever we start will have to end, and if we do this, it'll be that much harder to say goodbye."
"I don't care. I still want this. I've never felt this way. I've never felt this much passion. This much excitement. When I wake up, I can't wait to come over and see you. And when I'm with you, I don't want to leave you."
"I feel the same damn way."
"I want to keep feeling that way. I don't care if it's only for a short time. I may never feel this way again so just let me have this. Even if it's just a memory someday, it's a memory I want."
"You're gonna hate me when I leave. That's the memory you'll have. Of me leaving. Breaking your heart. I don't want to do that to you, Faith."
"I already know it's going to happen. I've known it this whole time. It's gonna suck and I'm already sad about it but I still want this. I won't hate you when you leave. I promise." I lean in and kiss him, then whisper, "Please."
"Faith." He waits until our eyes meet. "I can't stay here. At some point, probably sooner than both of us want, I'll have to go."
"I know. You told me."
"But I need you to understand that and not think I'll change my mind. This town isn't big