I wanted to hear, but can I trust that he means it? Can I trust that he’ll stick around?
“You made a lot of assumptions, Tyler. About us. And about me. Assumptions that weren't true."
"I know," he says softly.
"I'm afraid you'll do it again. The whole time we were together you kept assuming you knew what was best for me, and what I wanted. And you were wrong. I told you you were wrong but you wouldn't listen. So how do I know this time will be any different?"
"Because I'm telling you it will." He turns to me. "I never had anyone love me the way you did. I never felt that before and I didn't trust that it was real. I thought you'd eventually realize you could do better and then you'd leave."
"So you left before that could happen."
"That, and because I don't know if I can give you all the things you want in life. All I can give you is me, and I don't know if that's enough."
I want to hug him and tell him I forgive him and then spend the rest of the night making up, but I'm not ready to do that yet. So I stand up and say, "I need time to think about this."
He gets up. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'll be right next door."
I walk to the window and open it. "Goodnight, Tyler."
He goes to the window, then stops. "I love you, Faith, whatever you decide."
When he's gone I get back in bed and think about his words, knowing they were sincere when he said them, but not trusting he'll follow through. Before he took off, he said he wanted to stay. He made me think he would. And then he left. So can I really trust him this time?
In the morning when I leave for class I see Tyler's truck in the driveway, proving that last night wasn't a dream. He really was in my room.
Grams wasn't home when I left. She was over having breakfast with Walter, which means she knows Tyler is back. When I get to class, I have a text from her asking if I'm okay. I text her back that I am and leave it at that. I'm sure she'll ask me more when I get home.
In the afternoon, instead of going back to the house, I go to see Millie. I've been feeling anxious all day and being out here with the horses makes me feel calm. I'm surrounded by fields of tall prairie grass, which are now beautiful shades of amber and brown, and I'm far enough back from the restaurant that I can't hear a thing, other than the sound of the wind blowing.
Millie came over to me as soon as she saw me approach. She probably does that to everyone, or maybe she remembers me. Standing by the fence, I run my hand over her mane. It's not braided today and doesn't have any ribbons.
"Hey, Millie, remember me? Last time I was here I was on a date with this really hot guy. He was also really sweet. He still is." I pause. "I don't know what to do, Millie. I love him but I don't know if I can trust him with my heart. He broke it once. What if he does it again?"
She whinnies and shakes her head.
"Are you saying I should trust him or not?"
She makes a noise that sounds like she's sneezing.
"Okay, I really don't know what that means." I laugh at myself for talking to a horse and assuming she's talking back. And yet I continue. "I love Tyler, and love is about taking chances. But I don't know if I can go through this again. I love him so much, and if he leaves again, I don't know if my heart can take it. So what's the answer? What do I do?"
She turns her head towards me, then slowly lowers and raises it, almost like she's nodding. Is she telling me to do this? To give Tyler another chance?
Seriously, what am I doing? Millie's a horse. She's just moving her head, not giving me advice. But I like her answer because it's the same one my heart's giving me.
I want to be with Tyler. I want to give him another chance. He might take off again, but that's a risk I'm willing to take if there's even a small chance we could be together.