us sit side by side with Zoey in the middle as we slide down the slippery surface.
She giggles and demands we do it again and again.
If it wasn’t for her giggles, I wouldn’t consider going down in the first place but seeing her happiness makes it worth how stupid I feel.
We stay at the pool for about two and a half hours before it’s obvious that Zoey’s done and needing to head home when she becomes irritable and a little bit grouchy.
As we walk to the parking lot, I carry an exhausted Zoey who was beginning to whine, which she only acts like when she’s really tired. I’m sure she’ll fall asleep on the way to Addy’s house and will likely take a short nap before we bring her to my parents’ house to spend the night. Hopefully she’s able to get rested enough that the sleepover still happens.
Maybe it makes me a selfish dick, but I’m done being patient when it comes to Addy.
As suspected, Zoey drifts off to sleep during the short drive to Addy’s house and luckily stays asleep as I carry her inside, laying her down gently on her bed. Addy changes Zoey out of her damp swimsuit and Macaroni jumps onto the bed, curling up to take a nap with her.
We both take showers, unfortunately not together, while Zoey sleeps then I wake up Macaroni and take him for a walk. By the time I get back, Zoey’s awake and she and Addy are cuddling together on the couch reading a book.
They both greet me with matching smiles while I refill Macaroni’s food and water dishes. It’s then that it hits me.
Everything about today has planted me firmly in their routine and absolutely nothing about today makes me feel like an outsider, an uncle, or even simply Addy’s friend. It’s not that I’ve ever felt out of place before, but it hit me just now what it will be like. For me to be a part of their day-to-day lives, if they’ll have me.
“Bring her here. That’s how you’ll make it a home.”
From my place in the kitchen, I see the back of Addy’s head and just a little bit of Zoey’s peeking over the back of the couch. I hear Addy’s voice as she reads a familiar Dr. Seuss book that’s full of hilarity and gibberish.
I stand back, watching mother and daughter together and want to shout at the unfairness of it all that Chris is no longer here to see it. Then I want to get down on my knees and thank God for allowing me to have this chance.
Richard is right.
She makes it a home.
They’re what makes this house a home.
Now I just need to figure out how to keep moving us to a point that I’m dreaming for us.
They must feel my eyes on them because Zoey pops up on her knees and looks over the couch at me.
“Unca Beau!”
Addy looks back also and our eyes connect for a brief moment before I turn my attention to Zoey. But that moment was long enough that I was able to catch her bite the corner of her lip while her eyes danced. It’s just long enough that it gets my heart pounding. But it’s still not long enough. It never will be.
“Hi, baby. Did you have a good nap?”
She nods, hair wild. “Yup. And I get to sleep at Grandma and Papa’s house tonight!”
“Wow! It’s been a busy day for you, huh? You sure you’re up to more excitement?”
She huffs and shoots me what she probably thinks is a dirty look but in reality it just makes her that much cuter. “I can handle it.”
I bark out a laugh and come around the couch, sitting next to her. I wrap an arm around her and pull her onto my lap. “Of course you can.”
“Are you gonna miss me?”
“I always miss you when you’re gone.”
“You do?!” she asks, surprise in her voice.
“Sure do. A lot, actually. Why do you think I keep coming around so often?”
She shrugs and smiles. “I fink you miss my mommy, too.”
I don’t hesitate to answer her honestly. “I do.”
Zoey beams and then points to the book in Addy’s hands so that she will keep reading. When I look into Addy’s eyes, there’s heat there that I can’t wait to extinguish over and over again later tonight.
Addy finishes reading to Zoey and they move to her bedroom to pack a little overnight bag just as the doorbell rings.