up and knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep so I came out here to make some tea.”
“That you never made.”
“No. But I got something better.”
He kisses my forehead and gives me one more squeeze.
“Let’s get this shitty ass day over with.”
“You okay?”
He looks at me and something crosses his features I can’t name before he nods. “Yeah. I’ll be okay. Not today, but eventually.”
“That’s all we can hope for.”
Chapter Six
Addy
The funeral is amazingly awful. Which, I suppose, is normal. Listening to Beau speak all the truths of his brother, leaving nothing unspoken, is beautiful. He told stories of Christopher as a young boy and as a teenager. He spoke about him as a father and vice principal. He told funny stories and even some of when Chris would cause mayhem. It’s one of the reasons he was so good at his job — he was real with the students and didn’t hide the fact that he was less than perfect.
Many of the students at his high school attended the funeral. To see nearly three hundred teenagers sitting in the church, several wiping tears from their eyes, was a testament to how loved Chris was. He bonded with the kids by letting them see that they weren’t alone and their struggles didn’t go unnoticed. He listened and led while building relationships with each of them.
I slip my arm through Beau’s as we walk across the grass to Chris’s burial plot and grip Zoey’s hand with my other. Keeping her eyes trained on the bright green grass, she shuffles along slowly, not in any hurry to get to our destination.
After the funeral, a lunch is served by members of the church Chris attended. It was meant to be a celebration with some of Chris’s favorite foods. Sloppy joes, his favorite cookies, and a few other sides. Some of Zoey’s friends from preschool came to the lunch to give her a much-needed distraction. They drew on the sidewalk with colorful chalk and sat in a circle doing something with clapping softly in what appeared to be organized chaos. I didn’t interrupt or ask questions because Zoey was smiling and enjoying time with her friends.
Most of the funeral attendees went their separate ways after the luncheon, but those who wanted to say their final goodbyes at the cemetery were invited to join the family graveside. This is what all of us have been dreading the most: watching Chris’s casket being lowered into the ground.
Beau stops walking, removes his sunglasses and folds them up, placing them in the pocket of his button down. He removed his suit coat and rolled up his sleeves when we arrived, the summer heat beating down on us and causing all of us to need to fan ourselves. He leans down and picks up Zoey, holding her in one arm on his side while taking my hand.
The family takes their designated spots under the tent, me sitting next to Bethany with Zoey on my lap. Beau stands directly behind me as the preacher speaks words of faith and love. Our eyes trained on the casket the entire time.
After the final prayer, Bethany’s sister sings “Amazing Grace”, encouraging us to join. Bethany cries softly next to me, leaning against Peter’s shoulder. When the song comes to an end, Zoey squirms on my lap so I let her go. Without hesitation, she walks over to the casket, leans over, and splays her arms across the slick surface before kissing the side. The small crowd watches in silence as she says, “I love you, Daddy.”
When she turns around, she goes directly to Peter and Bethany, climbing onto Peter’s lap when she notices him crying, shoulders shaking and head dropped so he’s looking at the ground while pinching the bridge of his nose. He wraps his arms around her and buries his head into her neck. A sixty-two-year-old man with gray hair being comforted by his granddaughter is one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.
When he sucks in a deep breath and lifts his head, Zoey places a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay, Papa. ‘Member? He’s watching us now.”
He offers up a small smile and sniffs. “That’s right, ZoZo. He’s watching us.”
She nods and sits up straight on his lap. “Your turn. He’s watching so we have to tell him we love him.”
Peter shifts Zoey to Bethany’s lap and he repeats the actions of his granddaughter moments before. Followed by Bethany, Max, and Amelia, then Beau.