Passions of a Gentleman (Gentlemen of Honor #3) - Rose Gordon Page 0,68
buy a new bed, if you’d like.”
“No, I only suggested that we needed to buy another one because I assumed it’d be meant for one person.”
Simon cocked his head to the side then nodded. He hadn’t seen much of Rae’s girlhood home, but he’d seen inside the bedroom the four boys shared. There’d only been two beds in there, no more than three feet wide each. He could only assume Rae had shared a small bed with her sister, too. Simon reached for her hand and led her to sit down on the edge of the bed.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted quietly. “I didn’t have the same upbringing you had.” He cupped her chin and turned her face so they’d lock eyes. “It’s never been my intention to make you feel ashamed or out of place. If I do—” he tried in vain to keep his voice smooth though his face was warming— “it’s merely out of innocence, nothing more.”
Beside him, Rae shifted, her top teeth catching hold of her bottom lip.
Simon racked his brain for what more to say to reassure her. His mind was blank. “Rae, we can keep this bed, or you can pick what you like. Money is of no concern.” And neither is your past. He wanted so badly to say it, but fear that his words would only make her more insecure kept his tongue silent.
“It’s all right,” she said. She turned her neck to look over her left shoulder toward the headboard. “I rather like the designs carved into the headboard.”
Simon squinted. In all the years he’d slept in this bed, he’d never once bothered to pay attention to its design. It looked standard compared to his parents’ bed and the others he’d seen over the years: large wooden frame with two spiraling posts growing out of the ends of the headboard and standing five feet into the air. Across the wood that connected the two posts was a series of mindless, yet symmetrical designs. As a boy, he’d run his thumbnail along their grooves when his mother had sent him to his room, but he’d never given half of a thought to actually looking at the design.
“Besides—” she faced him— “it’s not as if you’ve ever…er…enjoyed another woman in your bed.”
Simon coughed. No, hacked. “Pardon?” he choked.
Rae’s cheeks colored. “I was your first, was I not?”
Simon gave a slow, stiff nod, mortification overtaking him. He’d casually told her as much that day in the woods, but she hadn’t seemed to notice then. Had his performance been so bad, she’d been able to tell he’d had no prior experience?
“That’s what I thought.” She frowned. “Unfortunately, that’s another of my shortcomings.”
Shortcomings? Another? What the hell nonsense was she spouting? “Pardon?” he said again. It wasn’t the most sophisticated way to respond, but it was better than blurting out his thoughts.
“It still hurts you.”
Now, Simon was thoroughly confused. “What hurts me?”
“When you…” She flushed. “You know…when we…” She fanned her face. “Must I say it?”
Yes, she must; otherwise Simon would never know. “When we what?”
“When we join.”
“What about it?” He’d assumed she’d been enjoying it as much as he had. Had he been wrong and there was a problem he didn’t know about?
“It hurts you.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he blurted, shaking his head wildly from side to side.
Rae looked at him in disbelief. “Then why every time we join, does your face pinch up like—” She scrunched her face up in a way that made him want to cringe.
“Rae, please don’t ever do that again,” he said, his cheeks on fire. “I’m not in pain when I do that. Quite the opposite.”
“That’s your look of pleasure?” Her tone was hard to read.
Simon sighed. “No, it’s more of an expression of sweet torment.” He shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “As I’d hoped you'd know by now, I am extremely attracted to you. So much so that if I don’t pause and regain my composure just then, I’ll embarrass myself.”
“Embarrass yourself?”
If this moment could possibly get any more awkward, Simon didn’t know how. “Spend too quickly.”
A myriad of expressions came over Rae’s face, and finally she said, “Oh.” She pulled away from him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.”
Simon wrapped his arm around her and pulled her onto his lap. “That’s all right.” He repositioned her so he could see her face, his lips only inches from hers. “A good husband would have explained that.”