Passions of a Gentleman (Gentlemen of Honor #3) - Rose Gordon Page 0,38

to stand. The last thing she wanted to do right now was talk to Simon.

“No, no.” Simon placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to guide her to sit on the log, where she’d perched herself in front of when he’d walked up, then sat beside her. “I’ve worked too hard to get you to speak to me. We’re not going back to you running and avoiding me.” He shot her a warm smile.

Rae’s face burned and she could hardly look at him. What did Mr. Fisher tell him? “Simon, please.”

He ignored her and reached for her hand. Intertwining their fingers, he said, “What did he do to you?”

Rae’s breath caught. No one who knew of her shame with Mr. Fisher had asked her that. It had always been,“What have you done?”Admittedly, she was an active participant and deserved every ounce of shame that came with her transgression, but she’d be lying if she didn’t also admit that his question was a slight salve on such a deep, ugly cut.

“I participated,” she said weakly then took a deep breath, still unable to look at him. “It wasn’t just him.”

He gently squeezed their interlocked fingers, a sweet gesture that made her want to sob harder.

Taking another shaky breath, she blinked back her tears and began to confide the blackest secret in England. Well, perhaps that was an exaggeration, but to her, it was.

“I’m ruined,” she sobbed. “Completely. Thoroughly.”

Simon released her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her near.

Snatches of memories of that fateful afternoon flooded her mind. Warm sunshine. Deep blue sky. A cool creek. A rushed picnic. Coarse sheets… She shivered.

“It was a few days before we first met.” Those words tasted bitter on her tongue. What a difference it might have made with Simon that first Season had she not been keeping such a secret? She swiped at her tears and started again. “It was only a fortnight before I was set to go to London to participate in my first Season.”

Rae breathed in a sharp, painful breath, the one vivid memory of that day fresh in her mind: lying in Mr. Fisher’s bed, clutching that rough sheet to her chest as she watched his retreating form leave the room as he told her she was the most foolish girl he’d ever met and wished her luck in London as she tried to find a gentleman who didn’t mind a soiled dove.

Her mind spun and she blinked back her tears. “Everything happened so quickly. I can hardly remember all the details.” She idly kicked at a stick with the toe of her slipper. “When I was fifteen and Juliet had just married, Mr. Fisher started showing me attention when I came to town for anything. He’d walk me down the lane and offer to carry any purchases I was making for Mama.” She shrugged. “It was innocent, but he was sweet. Always complimenting me for this and that. Papa said he’d heard from a neighbor I’d caught his attention.”

“Was he in favor of the match?”

Simon’s question put a sour taste in Rae’s mouth. “Yes. Said I’d be fortunate to make such a match.” She blew out a deep breath. “He has his own business. For a girl from my family, that makes him a good match.”

“But your sister is a viscountess.”

Rae almost laughed at his naivety. “Yes, but Drake only married her to settle a debt my father owed him for lending him money to send Juliet to a girls school.”

“To make a match?”

Rae nodded. “It worked, too. Unlike the rest of us, she learned to read and write and be able to do sums beyond what was needed to know what you’d owe for a pound of lard or a yard of fabric.” She kicked a rock. “I suppose she learned some other pursuits as well. When my father couldn’t settle his debt, Drake made her his wife in name, but a governess to his daughters in deed.”

“I see things changed on that score.”

“Indeed.” She swallowed hard. “But not soon enough.”

The sadness in her tone tore at Simon’s heart, and against all logic, he hauled her into his lap and pulled her close to his chest. “What happened?”

“A few weeks before I was to leave he invited me on a picnic by the creek. I went and gushed all about Mama’s new baby—Jacob—and my suspicion that Juliet had a love match after all. I can’t remember, but I think I might have even mentioned something