Paris Is Always a Good Idea - Jenn McKinlay Page 0,12

blouse was ecru. I wore the same diamond stud earrings and pearl ring, which had both been my mother’s, as I did every day. Even my shoulder-length blunt cut was styled exactly the same as it had been seven years ago. I always wore it tied at the nape of my neck, never loose, never styled in any other way.

I suppose it could be that I liked the simplicity of keeping my routine exactly the same. There were never any surprises in the morning. I maintained myself just like I maintained my life: a place for everything, and everything in its place. Oh man, my dad had been right; I really had stopped growing.

Despite the polished look, I was worried. How would Aidan accept my resignation? Would he understand that I had to do this? Or would he try to talk me out of it? I didn’t know if I could withstand that. I brought in a lot of money from the corporate sector. It wasn’t arrogance to believe my contribution made the department as successful as it was. Aidan said as much at my annual review every single year.

“Enlightenment is what you seek?” he asked. He looked as if he was trying to understand.

Aidan had also become a Buddhist in the years I had known him, leaving his Catholic roots behind as he embraced the teachings of the Dalai Lama. But that right there was why he should understand my need to go. Right? I laced my fingers together, trying not to squeeze too tight. I did not want him to offer to send me to Buddhist camp. It had happened before when he’d feared I was burning out.

“Not enlightenment as much as a general lightening up,” I said. I met his kind gaze, took a deep breath, and said, “I need to remember what being happy feels like. I need to find my laughter again.”

Aidan’s eyes softened. His beard tipped up at the corners, which I knew meant he was smiling, although it was hard to spot through the whiskers. I got the feeling he was trying to think of what my laugh sounded like. When two deep grooves appeared between his eyebrows, I suspected he had no recall of me laughing. That made two of us. Whatever noise I made when amused, it was rusty at best.

Aidan leaned forward. He rested his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers. He considered me with his steady, pale-blue gaze, and I felt my heart thump hard in my chest. Since I’d been promoted to senior director of major gifts two years ago, a promotion I’d gotten after only five years’ experience in corporate fundraising, as opposed to the ten years that were generally required, I’d never called out sick, never taken a vacation day, and in fact, never missed a single day of work, not one.

“You are aware that you’re putting in jeopardy all of the work you’ve done on the ask from Severin Robotics,” he said.

I bowed my head. I did know. It was the reason I had slept for only two hours last night and was now operating in a fuzzy half-conscious state where I’d give anything, even my favorite, perfectly worn-in flannel cow pajamas, just to be able to put my head down for a power nap.

“I have every confidence that my team can handle it without me,” I said. I met his gaze with assurance. I really did believe in my team. One hundred percent.

Aidan’s gaze never wavered from mine. Here was the thing with Aidan. He was absolutely a peace, love, dope kind of guy, but he was also the general manager of a department that raked in millions, and a person didn’t get to that level by being a cream puff.

“Your team is without question one of the best,” he said. I felt a surge of pride. I had carefully vetted every single person and was damn proud of what we’d accomplished. “But the Severin Robotics account is the largest single corporate gift we’ve ever tried to negotiate. Are you really willing to leave it to your team to manage without you?”

I leaned back in my seat. I had suspected the Severin account would be a sticking point. I’d spent months developing a relationship with the company’s marketing department and philanthropic foundation, and I’d even gone so far as to tap its community-relations people.

When I got a major corporation in my sights, I did my research. If I pursued one, it was