the only two people in the world. No one else existed but us.
But then, in the blink of an eye, the world came crashing back in around us when an elderly couple approached him. The woman took both of Billy’s hands in hers and spoke with an earnest expression on her wrinkled face. He turned his attention to them. A little reluctantly, I thought. But that could’ve been wishful thinking on my part.
“Did you see that, Cherry?” The hushed voice came from the pew directly behind me.
“See what?”
“Billy Comfort eye f-ing me.”
I snapped to attention. I glued my eyes to the program, which was still open on my lap, but my ears were one hundred percent tuned to the conversation taking place one row behind me.
“Donna, sweetie, bless your heart,” came the whispered reply. “I’m sorry, but Billy was looking at me.”
“Why would he be looking at you?” Donna shot back.
“Why would he be looking at you?”
“Remember, we hooked up twice last year. And clearly, he hasn’t forgotten.”
My jaw dropped as I kept my eyes focused on the program. I could not believe that these women were talking about Billy like this at his father’s funeral. Sure, I’d been thinking about things of that nature, but I’d had the class and good sense to keep those thoughts to myself.
“A year ago? I was with him six months ago, and it was hotter than a four-alarm fire. So, I guess we know who he was really looking at.”
Just then I heard a thwacking sound before a familiar voice said, “Y’all better shut your mouths or you’re both headed to a place hotter than a four-alarm fire. We’re in church, for heaven’s sake! Show some respect or I’ll twist the ears off of both of ya, and you know I will.”
My lips pursed together as I held in the laughter that was doing its best to bubble up inside of me at the image of these two women being on the receiving end of good, old-fashioned ear-twistings. It was everything I could do not to turn around to see the looks on their faces.
Donna mumbled, “Sorry, Mrs. B.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Cherry must suffer from the same verbal tick I did.
After the short-lived glow of indulging in that junior high school moment of picturing the women being dragged out of the church by their ears, what I was left with was an ice-cold pit in my stomach, and a nagging question in the back of my mind.
Exactly how many women did a person have to sleep with to earn the nickname Panty Dropper?
And then how many more to maintain it?
I’d been down the road of being cheated on before, and that was with someone who’d put a ring on it. Billy and I hadn’t made any commitments to each other, so any extracurricular activities he indulged in wouldn’t be cheating. And those women had said that their encounters had taken place months before. So why did I feel betrayed?
It was totally irrational. I knew that. I did. I knew it. The problem was, I didn’t feel it. No matter how much logic I applied to the situation, there was no way around how I was feeling.
“Scoot.” I looked up and saw Mrs. Beasley shooing me with the rolled-up newspaper that for some reason she always had in her hands. She used it to swat her hound dog when he got too “frisky” with the houseguests, and I guessed she also used it to threaten women in church.
“Hello, Mrs. Beasley.” I smiled and did as she asked, moving down the pew to make room for her.
“I told you, dear, it’s Mrs. B.” She sat down beside me and materialized a fan out of nowhere, which she began waving in rhythmic motion in front of her face. “I told the reverend that they needed to set the thermostat to seventy. He insists on keeping it at a boiling seventy-eight. He likes it so hot in here it makes me wonder who he’s really working for.” She pointed down to the ground. “Course, maybe he’s just tryin’ to avoid what happened at poor Earnest Trip’s funeral. I’d never seen so many bosom buttons popping out in my life.”
Bosom buttons?
I once again found myself holding in laughter as she turned her head and gave a pointed stare at the ladies she’d just threatened. Now I really wanted to turn around.
The atmosphere in the sanctuary shifted as a man walked in wearing a designer suit. I heard whispers all