was self-conscious and nervous.’ The barman assessed Nadia’s reaction, to see if this was helping. ‘He ordered a glass of wine, and then his phone rang and, well, it’s not like I was eavesdropping or anything, but to be honest I think it was his mum? He was trying to calm her down. And then he waited for a minute and then told me to tell you—’ The barman stopped polishing his glass and set it down. ‘Hold on, let me get this right. He basically gave you a load of compliments. He told me to look out for a beautiful blonde on her own, called Nadia, who was kind and clever and really hot and I think maybe he said charming?’
Nadia didn’t know what to think.
‘Oh,’ was all she could manage, her brain already on a downward spiral of reasons why he’d really left.
You’re ugly, she told herself.
No man would ever truly want to seduce you, a voice in her head said.
He must have had a better offer.
Nobody likes you anyway.
You’re unloveable.
Disgusting.
Sad.
Pathetic.
‘Let me get you a drink,’ the barman said, trying to sound upbeat. ‘On the house.’ He could sense her dejection, and seemed to feel desperately sorry for her.
‘Thank you,’ said Nadia, emotionless, feeling rooted to the spot. The words stuck in her throat. How could she have been so stupid? Of course there was no guy, no date. Of course she was sat there alone. Of course! Did she truly think that she was so irresistible that a handsome man would worship her from afar and write her letters and be everything she had ever dared hope for? Who was she kidding? Life wasn’t a fairytale. Life was barely even a coherent story. Shit happened and people sometimes fell in love, but a whole lot more people didn’t, and obviously she was one of the ones who wasn’t going to. It wasn’t going to happen for her and she’d had her hair done and worn a new dress and shown off to Emma and Gaby, all for nothing. A rogue tear escaped from her left eye, and she blinked hurriedly after wiping it away, determined that she wasn’t going to show herself up.
It crossed her mind that he could still be watching, that maybe it was a test, and she wanted to conduct herself with decorum and class. She was half tempted to call her mother, but didn’t think she had it in her to explain everything that had happened. Her phone buzzed in her hand – she hadn’t realized she’d still been holding it. It was Gaby – the pre-arranged emergency call.
If Nadia answered it, she could get her to come to the bar, to hug her and drink with her and tell her it was all going to be okay. But as Nadia let the list of options run through her mind, the call rang out, and all that flashed on her screen was ‘Missed Call (1) GABY WORK’.
She’d have her glass of free wine and decide what to do. That would be it. She didn’t know how to talk about it or who to tell, but she didn’t have to make any choices just now. She could just sit, and let the icy smoothness of a cold white wine run down her throat, and she could breathe deep, and then go home.
‘What can I get you?’ the barman said. ‘Anything you like.’
Nadia looked at him. His eyes were kind. This was a kind man, bearing witness to her humiliation. ‘Do you have anything mineraly? Like a—’
‘Albariño? That’s what your friend had.’
Nadia nodded. Her ‘friend’. Huh. ‘That would be great, thank you.’
The barman pulled down a glass and got the bottle from the fridge. As he poured it, he said, ‘You can finish off the bottle,’ and slid over the half-full glass and the dribble leftover. Then he slinked off to serve somebody else, leaving her to lick her wounds.
Nadia didn’t know what to think. It occurred to her that Train Guy knew her name, because he’d told the barman to ask for a Nadia. How? She wondered if he’d ever had any intention to meet her – did he plan to string her along? That made no sense, though. There would be no reason why a stranger would do that. Unless it wasn’t a stranger – what if it was somebody who knew her, and that’s why they knew her name and which train she got on and about the investor? She wondered if