Our Muted Recklessness - Love Belvin Page 0,69

get this night over with.

“Here’s a question,” Brooks posed, getting everyone’s attention. “Why do we put so much pressure on young, Black men—especially athletes going into the different Leagues—about their preferences? I only fuck with Black and Afro-Latinas, and still feel that fucking pressure. Should we nix the idea as Black men or just go for what the heart wants, Spence?”

“You mean what your dick needs, nigga!” Al cracked.

Ashton wiped his mouth then shrugged with his head, eyes out into the distance. “I mean… Sometimes it’s psychological conditioning, and sometimes it’s innate. But it’s not the process of ‘preferring one race or complexion over the others’ that men like to claim. Tyler Thomas says at some point, what you think is a preference is really a decision. You’re deciding against a particular race or skin gradient of women when a ‘preference’ pattern has been established over time.” He shrugged. “It’s a conversation Black men need to have with themselves. I recently learned preferences can be stretched. You can want to fuck a particular type you never thought you’d want to.”

“Shit!” Dre whispered hard. “That was some knowledge for that ass!”

“So that mean you and Aivery really broken up?” Brooks asked, too thirsty to fake like he wasn’t desperate.

Ashton scoffed. “Fuck’re talking about? Are we having a grown-ass man conversation or gossiping like little fucking pussies?”

The bus went up, laughing hard. A few began to clown Brooks. I wondered why he thought Ashton and Aivery were broken up. They were always together.

“Ebonies!” Dre shouted, sights outside of the window.

“We here!” Al swallowed back the last of his drink.

By the time I found the big marquee, we were pulling into a parking lot. The guys were busy, downing their last sips, pulling out gum, and checking their wallets. One guy even brushed his hair, sprayed cologne, and applied chapstick.

I watched them all file out of the bus until Ashton and I were the last on. I walked toward the door and he stood to leave after me.

“You don’t have to stay more than an hour,” he murmured behind me. “Your ride is on its way.” Then I felt his warm hand on the small of my back, probably thinking I needed help in the heels I’d worn. “I’ll be around you in case you feel uncomfortable or by yourself.”

I didn’t respond, so damn upset about allowing them to bring me to a strip club, of all places. Disappointed in myself for going along with it. It was good that I didn’t say anything because Paulie was just outside. I stopped with one foot on the last step and the other on the ground.

“Oh…” His eyes were above me, mouth wide open. “I ain’t know you was still on, Spence.”

Ashton’s hand dragged down my ass until it fell from my body completely. “Had to make sure she was okay.”

“That’s why I stayed behind.” Paulie’s eyes blinked hard, a few times. “I was gonna chill with you tonight to make sure you’re okay.”

“Cool beans.” Ashton tapped my arm, telling me to move it. “Somebody gets to play babysitter for the rookie, and it ain’t me.”

I was finally off the bus and feeling out of place already. Paulie? I’d be with Paulie in a strip club? No way. When I looked over to him, the muscles in his face had lifted, and he went about locking up the bus rental. Ashton, without a second glance, was headed toward the door with the other Panthers. By the time Paulie and I were on our way, I could see Ashton pointing toward us when speaking to the bouncer at the door.

“You have your ID?” Paulie asked.

That snapped me into the here and now. “Let me tell you something. I don’t know what these guys have planned for me tonight, but if you try that shit you did with the milkshake again, I’ll beat your ass. You hear me?”

With an open mouth and his fade reaching toward the sky, Paulie nodded hard.

The place was dark, noisy, and neon. The girls on the stage were the main view, and we Panthers had the best seats in the house. There weren’t many people here. In fact, I wondered if the place was closed out for BSU students tonight. It was clear to me, by the way the manager along with the owner came over and spoke to most of the guys, especially Ashton, Al, and Dre, that there was a familiarity with them. I knew who they were because they

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